There are four teams remaining in Major League Baseball's Postseason.
Dodgers
Phillies
Rays
Red Sox
If each one was a pro or college football team, who would they be? Post your response below in the comments!
My responses:
The Dodgers are the Miami Dolphins. Seemingly forgotten for 20 years, yet, suddenly upsetting the media darlings in convincing fashion.
The Phillies are the Missouri Tigers. Prolific on offense, and somewhat under the radar. With this team, the scoring comes all at once. Blink, and you're down two scores!
The Rays are the Kansas Jayhawks. A perennially AWFUL team suddenly storming the league. With this team, you wonder when the clock will strike midnight.
The Red Sox are the New England Patriots. They're from the Boston metro, they're gimpy, they may be on their last legs...... but are YOU about to count them out?
Showing posts with label Dolphins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dolphins. Show all posts
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Week 3: Redemption LOCKS of the Week
Hi Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo Pilsner!!!
Let's ride the big comeback on
Dave's (clip)
LOCKS (flick)
of the Week (SLAM!!!!)
Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 3
Cue the William Tell Overture!! I'm BACK! And I won't quit! First week, 1-2. Last week 0-3! and this week I swear to you I will do better. I was worse than usual because... because
"What's your excuse, buster?"
[shakes nervously] ....uh ......uh I didn't have enough statistics! It's true. but now I've got some data baby and I am ready to ROLL. to the picks!!!!!
FWAP!
SPROING!
CLANK!!!
SNAP!
Yes!!!! EXTRA SOUND EFFECTS! sound off (one two) wait, let me jump into the catapult annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd CLOMP!!
We're off to to Gillette Stadium. It's the Patriots and the Dolphins!! A year ago, this would have been the A game. Brady, Moss, going for 16-0. This year it's moved all the way down to the Q game. Cassel, Pennington, Ian Eagle.
Muah muahhhhhhh, thanks for playing.
But somehow, the Pats are favored by 12.5 points? I say WHAAA? The Vegas odds makers, still high off the homemade vodka forgot that it's 2008. That must be it. There's no WAY the Dolphins will take that floating down. We're talking about the same Dolphins who lost a lot of CLOSE games last year. They went 1-15, but they were blown out only half the time. The 'fins will jump and jump and jump, keep the game close, and cover the spread. TAKE THOSE POINTS, feed the fish, and choose the Dolphins to cover the (+12.5) prawns!
You know who eats fish? BEARS EAT FISH!! ROAR!! let's toss those fish down a few rivers and head to Chicago... c'mon... baby don't you want to go? to that same ol' place: SOLDIER FIELD, Chicago! Actually, this is the Bears' home opener and it's about time. They're back, and they're PISSED. They're also without a QB... again. They could have had one, but do the Bears listen? NOOOOOOOO!
Anyway, the Bears are good enough to beat the visiting Bucs. They rank in the upper echelon of pass defenses and all the Bucs wanna do, is pass the ball. ...Until the sun comes up over santa monica blvd. but Brian Urlacher will serve them his Harry Potter voodoo... ALAKAZAM!! Take the Bears (-3.0) to cover and win. score? 538-0, DA BEARS!
Let's rumble down from the Midwest out to the Rockies. Let's go back to Denver to meet the Broncos vs the Saints. Ok I'm picking the Saints to roll big and cover 5.5 at Invesco Field!
[Ed Hochuli: TWEET! Upon further review, Dave's LOCK of the week fumbled the snap. We'll put the pick on the 5 paragraph line]
WHAT?! You Big Dummy!! I had that pick made... Look at the play!! I made it fair and square.
[Ed: Sorry Dave, I already blew the whistle. You have to do it over anyway. And I can bench press you.]
Dammit!! Fine... I'm not gonna get burned two weeks in a row, I'm PICKIN THE BRONCOS BABY. Now both teams are practically the same. Same good offense, same lousy defense. Here's the difference: The Broncos are great at home, and most of all, the Saints have an abysmal 2-6 non-conference record in the Brees era. It's ov-ah baby. BRONCOS (-5.5) win big, covering easily!
That puts the capper (any more whistles? no? good!) on
Dave's (honnnnk!)
LOCKS (scritch-scritch-scritch)
of the Week (thomp!)
Recap: Dolphins (+12.5) cover at NE; Bears (-3.0) cover/win at home; Broncos (-5.5) cover and dominate at home.
Let's ride the big comeback on
Dave's (clip)
LOCKS (flick)
of the Week (SLAM!!!!)
Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 3
Cue the William Tell Overture!! I'm BACK! And I won't quit! First week, 1-2. Last week 0-3! and this week I swear to you I will do better. I was worse than usual because... because
"What's your excuse, buster?"
[shakes nervously] ....uh ......uh I didn't have enough statistics! It's true. but now I've got some data baby and I am ready to ROLL. to the picks!!!!!
FWAP!
SPROING!
CLANK!!!
SNAP!
Yes!!!! EXTRA SOUND EFFECTS! sound off (one two) wait, let me jump into the catapult annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd CLOMP!!
We're off to to Gillette Stadium. It's the Patriots and the Dolphins!! A year ago, this would have been the A game. Brady, Moss, going for 16-0. This year it's moved all the way down to the Q game. Cassel, Pennington, Ian Eagle.
Muah muahhhhhhh, thanks for playing.
But somehow, the Pats are favored by 12.5 points? I say WHAAA? The Vegas odds makers, still high off the homemade vodka forgot that it's 2008. That must be it. There's no WAY the Dolphins will take that floating down. We're talking about the same Dolphins who lost a lot of CLOSE games last year. They went 1-15, but they were blown out only half the time. The 'fins will jump and jump and jump, keep the game close, and cover the spread. TAKE THOSE POINTS, feed the fish, and choose the Dolphins to cover the (+12.5) prawns!
You know who eats fish? BEARS EAT FISH!! ROAR!! let's toss those fish down a few rivers and head to Chicago... c'mon... baby don't you want to go? to that same ol' place: SOLDIER FIELD, Chicago! Actually, this is the Bears' home opener and it's about time. They're back, and they're PISSED. They're also without a QB... again. They could have had one, but do the Bears listen? NOOOOOOOO!
Anyway, the Bears are good enough to beat the visiting Bucs. They rank in the upper echelon of pass defenses and all the Bucs wanna do, is pass the ball. ...Until the sun comes up over santa monica blvd. but Brian Urlacher will serve them his Harry Potter voodoo... ALAKAZAM!! Take the Bears (-3.0) to cover and win. score? 538-0, DA BEARS!
Let's rumble down from the Midwest out to the Rockies. Let's go back to Denver to meet the Broncos vs the Saints. Ok I'm picking the Saints to roll big and cover 5.5 at Invesco Field!
[Ed Hochuli: TWEET! Upon further review, Dave's LOCK of the week fumbled the snap. We'll put the pick on the 5 paragraph line]
WHAT?! You Big Dummy!! I had that pick made... Look at the play!! I made it fair and square.
[Ed: Sorry Dave, I already blew the whistle. You have to do it over anyway. And I can bench press you.]
Dammit!! Fine... I'm not gonna get burned two weeks in a row, I'm PICKIN THE BRONCOS BABY. Now both teams are practically the same. Same good offense, same lousy defense. Here's the difference: The Broncos are great at home, and most of all, the Saints have an abysmal 2-6 non-conference record in the Brees era. It's ov-ah baby. BRONCOS (-5.5) win big, covering easily!
That puts the capper (any more whistles? no? good!) on
Dave's (honnnnk!)
LOCKS (scritch-scritch-scritch)
of the Week (thomp!)
Recap: Dolphins (+12.5) cover at NE; Bears (-3.0) cover/win at home; Broncos (-5.5) cover and dominate at home.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Week 1: Here at last!! It's Dave's LOCKS of the Week
*Ahem* where's that record?
PPPFFFFFFT!
Aaaaah, something to remember
Aaaaah, dancin' in September
It's SEPTEMBER!!!
It's FOOTBALL SEASON!!!
It's THE BIG 12!!!
(ok no it isn't)
It's
[cue monty python music]
Dave's (boink!)
LOCKS (doink!)
of the Week (bonnnnnnng!)
Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 1
:::SQUASH:::
Hello again everybody and WELCOME to the greatest four months of our year. It's here! Football is at our footstep. Boy aren't you all so glad you waited out 78 meaningless basketball games, and then 259 meaningless baseball games? Now we have the goods.
Let's kick off the season with the battle of Favre. Miami, Florida! All we talk about is Favre! Is this for real or a Madden fantasy? ...and, are there other players in the NFL?
Of course there are! In fact there's a whole team called the Dolphins, 1-15 last year, much better odds this year. They even have a good quarterback, Chad Pennington. They have a pretty good defense too! Bill parcells, the big tuna trader, did a remarkable job restoring credibility to the Dolphins. Will it translate to wins? Do you believe in Miracles? YES!! YES!!!
UPSET SPECIAL ALERT!!! The Dolphins (+3.0 at home) are going to beat the Jets, my friend. Might be by a field goal... might even win by more, but Rock, Jet, Flippers... c'mon you know flippers wins every time! BRING THAT TUNA UPSTREAM and pick the Dolphins to win and shock the northeast!
Let's go a little further upstream, all the way to Atlanta, GA.
Now, the Falcons haven't been able to get up off the ground the last two seasons. Basically they said "Take... these broken wings and learn to fly again, learn to live free..." Free from that dope Michael Vick that is. The Falcons are a really young team, so young that some still have their pacifiers. Yet, they do have an underrated D. More than that, the favored Lions (-3.0) have no defense. No veterans? No experience? No problem!
Take a free ride and bet the HOUSE on the Falcons to cover as a rare home underdog. You can take that to the POUND.. um er, I mean bank.
Finally we'll fly from the Georgia Dome to the banks of three rivers. Yep, we, are headed to Pittsburgh, the Steel City!
The Steelers are a 6.5 pt. favorite vs the Houston Texans. But we're talking about two very very explosive offenses in warm weather. Two things are gonna happen... ok three things!
1st, the entire steel industry is going to shut down to watch the game
2nd, the over under of 43 pts is going to be shattered! CRASH!
3rd, and most important, I'm taking the (ba ba ba bum) deep in the HEARRRT of TEXANS to cover the massive 6.5 spread.
and THAT is
Dave's (sploosh!)
LOCKS (clomp!)
of the Week (ping!)
Happy Kickoff Everyone!
---
To review:
Dolphins (+3.0) cover and win vs Jets
Falcons (+3.0) cover vs Lions
Texans (+6.5) cover at Steelers
plus
Take the over for the HOU/PIT game (43 pts)
PPPFFFFFFT!
Aaaaah, something to remember
Aaaaah, dancin' in September
It's SEPTEMBER!!!
It's FOOTBALL SEASON!!!
It's THE BIG 12!!!
(ok no it isn't)
It's
[cue monty python music]
Dave's (boink!)
LOCKS (doink!)
of the Week (bonnnnnnng!)
Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 1
:::SQUASH:::
Hello again everybody and WELCOME to the greatest four months of our year. It's here! Football is at our footstep. Boy aren't you all so glad you waited out 78 meaningless basketball games, and then 259 meaningless baseball games? Now we have the goods.
Let's kick off the season with the battle of Favre. Miami, Florida! All we talk about is Favre! Is this for real or a Madden fantasy? ...and, are there other players in the NFL?
Of course there are! In fact there's a whole team called the Dolphins, 1-15 last year, much better odds this year. They even have a good quarterback, Chad Pennington. They have a pretty good defense too! Bill parcells, the big tuna trader, did a remarkable job restoring credibility to the Dolphins. Will it translate to wins? Do you believe in Miracles? YES!! YES!!!
UPSET SPECIAL ALERT!!! The Dolphins (+3.0 at home) are going to beat the Jets, my friend. Might be by a field goal... might even win by more, but Rock, Jet, Flippers... c'mon you know flippers wins every time! BRING THAT TUNA UPSTREAM and pick the Dolphins to win and shock the northeast!
Let's go a little further upstream, all the way to Atlanta, GA.
Now, the Falcons haven't been able to get up off the ground the last two seasons. Basically they said "Take... these broken wings and learn to fly again, learn to live free..." Free from that dope Michael Vick that is. The Falcons are a really young team, so young that some still have their pacifiers. Yet, they do have an underrated D. More than that, the favored Lions (-3.0) have no defense. No veterans? No experience? No problem!
Take a free ride and bet the HOUSE on the Falcons to cover as a rare home underdog. You can take that to the POUND.. um er, I mean bank.
Finally we'll fly from the Georgia Dome to the banks of three rivers. Yep, we, are headed to Pittsburgh, the Steel City!
The Steelers are a 6.5 pt. favorite vs the Houston Texans. But we're talking about two very very explosive offenses in warm weather. Two things are gonna happen... ok three things!
1st, the entire steel industry is going to shut down to watch the game
2nd, the over under of 43 pts is going to be shattered! CRASH!
3rd, and most important, I'm taking the (ba ba ba bum) deep in the HEARRRT of TEXANS to cover the massive 6.5 spread.
and THAT is
Dave's (sploosh!)
LOCKS (clomp!)
of the Week (ping!)
Happy Kickoff Everyone!
---
To review:
Dolphins (+3.0) cover and win vs Jets
Falcons (+3.0) cover vs Lions
Texans (+6.5) cover at Steelers
plus
Take the over for the HOU/PIT game (43 pts)
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