Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Week 3: Redemption LOCKS of the Week

Hi Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo Pilsner!!!

Let's ride the big comeback on

Dave's (clip)
LOCKS (flick)
of the Week (SLAM!!!!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 3

Cue the William Tell Overture!! I'm BACK! And I won't quit! First week, 1-2. Last week 0-3! and this week I swear to you I will do better. I was worse than usual because... because

"What's your excuse, buster?"

[shakes nervously] ....uh ......uh I didn't have enough statistics! It's true. but now I've got some data baby and I am ready to ROLL. to the picks!!!!!


Yes!!!! EXTRA SOUND EFFECTS! sound off (one two) wait, let me jump into the catapult annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd CLOMP!!

We're off to to Gillette Stadium. It's the Patriots and the Dolphins!! A year ago, this would have been the A game. Brady, Moss, going for 16-0. This year it's moved all the way down to the Q game. Cassel, Pennington, Ian Eagle.

Muah muahhhhhhh, thanks for playing.

But somehow, the Pats are favored by 12.5 points? I say WHAAA? The Vegas odds makers, still high off the homemade vodka forgot that it's 2008. That must be it. There's no WAY the Dolphins will take that floating down. We're talking about the same Dolphins who lost a lot of CLOSE games last year. They went 1-15, but they were blown out only half the time. The 'fins will jump and jump and jump, keep the game close, and cover the spread. TAKE THOSE POINTS, feed the fish, and choose the Dolphins to cover the (+12.5) prawns!

You know who eats fish? BEARS EAT FISH!! ROAR!! let's toss those fish down a few rivers and head to Chicago... c'mon... baby don't you want to go? to that same ol' place: SOLDIER FIELD, Chicago! Actually, this is the Bears' home opener and it's about time. They're back, and they're PISSED. They're also without a QB... again. They could have had one, but do the Bears listen? NOOOOOOOO!

Anyway, the Bears are good enough to beat the visiting Bucs. They rank in the upper echelon of pass defenses and all the Bucs wanna do, is pass the ball. ...Until the sun comes up over santa monica blvd. but Brian Urlacher will serve them his Harry Potter voodoo... ALAKAZAM!! Take the Bears (-3.0) to cover and win. score? 538-0, DA BEARS!

Let's rumble down from the Midwest out to the Rockies. Let's go back to Denver to meet the Broncos vs the Saints. Ok I'm picking the Saints to roll big and cover 5.5 at Invesco Field!

[Ed Hochuli: TWEET! Upon further review, Dave's LOCK of the week fumbled the snap. We'll put the pick on the 5 paragraph line]

WHAT?! You Big Dummy!! I had that pick made... Look at the play!! I made it fair and square.

[Ed: Sorry Dave, I already blew the whistle. You have to do it over anyway. And I can bench press you.]

Dammit!! Fine... I'm not gonna get burned two weeks in a row, I'm PICKIN THE BRONCOS BABY. Now both teams are practically the same. Same good offense, same lousy defense. Here's the difference: The Broncos are great at home, and most of all, the Saints have an abysmal 2-6 non-conference record in the Brees era. It's ov-ah baby. BRONCOS
(-5.5) win big, covering easily!

That puts the capper (any more whistles? no? good!) on

Dave's (honnnnk!)
LOCKS (scritch-scritch-scritch)
of the Week (thomp!)

Recap: Dolphins (+12.5) cover at NE; Bears (-3.0) cover/win at home; Broncos (-5.5) cover and dominate at home.

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