Week 17: For the last time this year, Dave's LOCKS of the Week

The year is just about over sports fans, but before we close out 2009, let's get into the last LOTW of the decade... Letting the ball drop on

Dave's (3)
LOCKS (2...)
of the Week (1......!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should all aquaintance be forgot, blah blah blah... you know, that "Auld Lang Syne" song has nothing to do with "year" or "new". It's have been nice if they mixed in the words "Happy New Year" in there.... awwwwwww well!

How ye be fellers?? Ready to do one more LOCKS of the Week this season? I sure am!

I went 1-2 last week, but hope to finish off strong. so here we go, TO THE PICKS!

Talk about "dropping the ball" how about what happened with the Colts last week, throwing the game against the Jets. 3rd quarter... AH LETS JUST SUB IN OUR BENCH PLAYERS... I'm still made about it! Grrr!! Why didn't they want to at least try to go for the perfect season? Very curious.

Anyhow, there is a very unusual case with the Colts final regular season game at Buffalo. It turns out that the Bills are an 8 point favorite. I can't remember the last time the Bills were an 8 point favorite against anybody! Just goes to show how awful the Colts' second stringers are. Nevertheless, I'm picking the Colts to cover the spread (+8) because I can't fathom the Bills scoring enough points to make up that margin. ONWARD...

Next, we stop in at the Meadowlands for Giants' Stadium's last game. Although the G-men played the week before, the Jets will have the honor of hosting the stadium's final regular season game. The Jets are facing Cincinnati, and it seems like the Bungles are all by throwing this game too. IN theory, the Jets, 10 point home favorites, would be s cinch to fly over the Bungles onto a playoff berth.

But these are the Jets we're talking about. Even if JT O'Sullivan throws 5 interceptions, somehow I feel like the Bungles will make this interesting. I dare say take the points (+10) and watch Cincy cover as NY struggles to score points.

And finally for our LOCKS of the Week Season, we go to Minneapolis. The Vikings are playing the Giants in a game they really didn't want any part of. Because they botched opportunities vs Chicago and Carolina, among others, the Vikes are now forced to play all their starters just to salvage a bye week. With Minnesota in such desperation, who knows what will happen?! However, given how much the G-men have struggled defensively, and let's face it, they've out and out QUIT by now, I'll give the nod to the Vikes to cover -9 at home.

Folks, it's been a great year bringing LOCKS of the Week to you and I wish you a wonderful happy new year. Be safe!

Happyyyyy NEW YEAR!!! on

Dave's (tweeee!)
LOCKS (yaaaay!)
of the Week (BOOM!)

See y'all next season!

To review: IND (+8) at BUF; CIN (+10) at NYJ; MIN (-9) at home

Dave's LOCKS of the Week, Week 15

Last Chrsitmas, I gave you my heart

The very next day, you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears,

I'm giving you

Dave's (ring ring!)

LOCKS (ho ho ho!)

of the Week (bing bong!)

Dave's IT'S A WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS OR SO LOCKS of the Week

Week 15

Season's Greetings Gentlemen and Gentle Ladies! It's our week before Xmas picks here on LOCKS of the Week. This week, we feature several interesting matchups. LOCKS went 3-0, to put the season record at 23-16!! oooh baby, now time to lock in the picks:

First! To the Thursday night game in Jacksonville... The Indianapolis C*O*L*T*S are a medic crew right now. EVERYBODY is injured! 20+ players! It's time for Dave to make his...

STUPENDOUS GUARANTEE OF THE MONTH (tm)

The Jaguars *will*, not might, not could, I say WILL beat the Colts on Thursday night! There's no point spread, but I have this thing under LOCK and key. Stop thinking about benching starters, Colts fans. Jags take it, BELIEVE IT!

Next! To the Steel City where the mighty have fallen... and fallen, and fallen and FALLEN. The Steelers, two months ago would be a 7 point favorite this week hosting the Packers. Today, they are barely a 1 point favorite. Even though Pittsburgh falls on hard times, I'll take the Stillllers to cover (+1) and beat the Pack. The Law of Averages has to win sometime... I find it hard to believe that this team would lose 6 games in a row.

Lastly I'll be headin' to Nashville where both teams could potentially be without their starting QB. The Titans host the Dolphins, and Titans fans will continue to keep the faith! The game is a pick 'em, which means (no line). I'm taking the Titans to pick up the pace and beat the Dolphins outright, at home.

I saww mommy kissing

Dave's (smooch!)

LOCKS (riiip!)

of the Week (bling!)

Merry Christmas to you and Chanukkah to others of you!

Review: JAX (no line) at home; PIT (-1) at home; TEN (no line) at home

Dave's ATTEMPTS of the Week, Week 14

Oh man... another tough set of point spreads on

Dave's (CLOP!)

LOCKS (POP!)

of the Week (CLINK!)

Dave's ATTEMPTS of the Week

Week 14 (well, its two times seven...?)

WOW, look at the tough picks this week... this is tough. 1-2 last week, brining me to 21-18. My winning season is in jeopardy!

Speaking of which, we start our journey in HOT-lanta where the Falcons host the Saints. Talk about Jeopardy! The Falcons are in danger of blowing back to back winning seasons, which has NEVER happened in their franchise history. That's both impressive and depressing. This week, they're a (+10.5) point dog against the undefeated Saints.

The Falcons have numerous injuries: Ryan is banged up, Turner is too... not looking too good. But, the fact remains, Roddy White is still hanging around as is Tony Gonzalez. Could be a good effort for the Georgia Peaches. I'm taking the Falcons and the points (+10.5)!

Next, out to the Meadowlands! It's another division clash between the Giants and Eagles. Nothing giant about these two teams, this is the epitome of mediocrity. The Eagles... they can't even win consistently, but they might be able to beat the Giants here on the road. The key is, while McNabb can't handle a west coast offense, he CAN handle launching the ball to receivers who burn the secondary. The Giants secondary is lousy right now, and I think the Eagles might pull off the minor upset. The point spread is just (+1) but I'll take the point and go EAGLES... E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!

I must be nuts...

Finally the Colts are at home to face the Broncos. Indy is favored by (-7), and they have played very well at home. Talk about a battle of the horses. In this one I'm taking the thoroughbreds, and that's the Colts... Colts to win place AND show (-7) at home!

That's the tricky outlook for

Dave's (VROOM!)

LOCKS (SCREECH!)

of the Week (wum wum wum wum...)

To review: ATL (+10.5) at home; PHI (+1) at NYG; IND(-7) at home.

Dave's JINXES of the Week... Week 13

ooo eee ooo

Dave's (clank!)
LOCKS (bing!)
of the Week (yaaaaah!)

Dave's JINXES of the Week
for Week UN-Lucky Number 13

I was 2-1 last week, continuing my long streak of winners here on LOCKS of the Week. This week, we go for the juggular... or perhaps I'll just jinx all of them. Here we go!

First, to Cincinnati, where the Bungles will be hosting the Detroit Lions. No spiel this time... if the Bungles are as good as they think they are, they better dominate and dominate and DOMINATE the Lions in the Queen city. The only thing is, the Bengals' Carson Palmer has not be impressive in the least, lately. Nevertheless, I pick the Bungles to cover (-13) at home and out roare the Detroit Lions.

Next, we pounce from South Ohio to somewhere in New Jersey. The Giants take on the surging Dallas Cowboys... but wha oh! It's DECEMBER! And that means it's officially time for the Cowboys to suck!! It's going to be an ugly game no matter what, and I dare say the Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-men take it, and take the points +2.

Finally we travel to Greeeen Bay, where the Packers *think* they're in the playoff hunt, hosting the Ravens, but they really aren't. The Packers may have one of the worst defenses in the league, and the Ravens have a middle of the road/solid defense. The Packers always look good against bad teams, but this time around they'll get shut down. Take the Ravens in an upset (+3) on the road.

and that is probably, likely, supposedly...

Dave's (clangalangalang!)
LOCKS (bonk!)
of the Week (fwat!)

Good times ahead to close the season. Again, the picks: Cincy -13 at home; Giants +2 at home; Ravens +3 at GB

Dave's LOCKS of the Week: Weeks 1-10

Hi everyone! We now present to all of you, Dave's LOCKS of the Week for the First 10 Weeks of the NFL Season.

WEEK 1

Gloooory gloory hallelujah!

Gloooory gloory hallelujah!

Gloooooooooooory gloory hallelujah!

His LOCKS are Marching on!

From a distance, a cricket chirps. It's back! Dave's LOCKS of the Week...

[ahem, excuse me, you didn't say it right!]

My apologies, it's

Dave's (squeak!)

LOCKS (tweak!)

of the Week (bonk!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week (2009 Edition)

Week One

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back everybodyyy! How's the world looking for you today? I see 6 LOCKS of the week this week: there will be 6 NFL game black outs due to low attendance! wokka wokka...! ok ok, let's go to the picks... time for another year of thrills, spills, and embarrassments as we start...

LOCKS... of the week! to the picks!

First to Kansas City! The Ravens Meet the Chiefs... the Chiefs are terrible, but in week 1, the Ravens are expected to outscore them by at least *thirteen* (-13). Really?! I dare quoth the raven: "too much!". Got it Chief? "Got it!". The Ravens might not score 13 points in the whole game! Quoth the Dave: "Not enough! Chief Yahoo Covers" Take the Chiefs and the points (Bal -13), easy bbq peezy.

NEXT, to the desert in Glendale, AZ. The defending NFC Champions... the unending quagmire of San Francisco... who will win? Ah forget the wins... Even though Mike Singletary says "I want WINNERS!". We'll give you covers!! Covers good enough, Sing?

"Can't do it!"

No c'mon it's easier this way!

"Can't do it!"

You sure?

"I want WINNERS!"

Ok fine, here's a winner: take the 49ers to take the spread of +6.5! The last several games between these teams have been decided by no more than 7 points and several of them went to overtime. I see no reason for it to change now. Look for the Niners to uncover some FOOLS GOLD in Arizona! (SF +6.5)

And finally... over in San Diego, we have some thunder... (boom!) lightning (boom!) the Charger Defense is frightening... they'd better knock knock knock...

ON WOOD... baby! woooo hooo hoo hoo hoo hooooo.... baby.....

I'll tell you what gets knocked: the RAIDERS, on their ass! Chargers on the Monday Night Midnight Special, take over the Raiders and cover the spread easily (SD -9.5). If they don't, fire Norv Turner on the spot!

And thats it for

Dave's (clash!)

LOCKS (smash!)

of the Week (crunch!)

ENJOY WEEK ONE, Y'ALL!

The Picks: KC +13, SF +6.5, SD -9.5

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WEEK 2

here are

Dave's (clang!)
LOCKS (bang!)
of the Week (..dang!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 2

Short and sweet this week...

TO THE PICKS!

First, to the Georgia Dome where the Falcons are on my mind against Sweet Caroline (bum bum bum!). Falcons home opener. It wont be too sweet for the Panthers this week as they meet some down dirty and nasty.... Matt Ryan and the falcons soar HIGH and tear apart the Panthers easily, FALCONS BY DOUBLE DIGITS! or at least by more than -6.5 .

Next, to the Motor City... where the auto industry aint the only thing dying. Hell, the Lions franchise has been dead for decades! So the moribund Lions with their new QB (note how we didn't say "improved") Matthew Stafford going up against the Minnesota Vikings and their QB Brett Favre, who's as old as dirt. WHO WINS THIS CONFLAGARATION?! There is no way in hell the Vikings should be challenged in this game, but guess what? The Dave Jinx owns all... nevertheless VIKES to cover on the road (-10) am I nuts? These prognostications are sure to be IN-SANE...

and you know speaking of Crazy Eddie, let's look to another Eddie, former Niners Owner Eddie DeBartolo Jr. It's time to make... the PICK to end all Picks.

TO SAN FRANCISCO WE GOOOOOO!!!

ahem... sike!

I just did that to rile up Jake and Andrew. No SF 49ers prediction from me, instead we head out to WASHINGTON DC, our nation's capital, where four score and 7 days ago, the Redskins were taken down by the G-men in the Meadowlands. This week, they play their home opener against the Lousy St. Louis Rams. Can the Rams repeat the impossible and cover the spread like they did last year (same teams, same stadium too, in DC!). To quote President Obama: YES WE CAN!!

I'm Picking the RAMS to cover +10... take the points and eat them hearty... Rams put a dent into the point spread at FedEx Field.

And THAT is the scoop on

Dave's (flush!)
LOCKS (gush!)
of the Week (mush!)

Enjoy the games, all. This week it was Falcons (-6.5), Vikes (-10), and Rams (+10)

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WEEK 3

I present:

Dave's (bang!)

CLIFF NOTES LOCKS (whiz!)

of the Week (plump!)

No spiel this time, just the meat... TO THE PICKS!

In New England... I know its "Andrew's Team" but to think so many people are pumping up the Falcons this week is so silly! I hate to say it but, statistically the Pats are superiors in passing yards and passing yards allowed. Not to mention, the rush defense is better for the Pats. Pats win this easy... give the -4.0 to NE.

In East Rutherford, NJ... I am a huge fan of the Jets defense. I think their defense is terrific! I think Sanchez is terrific. I know its "Dave's Team", but to think it's an automatic for them to win against the Titans is short-sighted. The Titans are 0-2, but the two losses were at least to some pretty good teams: they lost to the Texans, who compete, and they lost to the Steelers on opening week. Titans are GETTING (+2.5) points. You couple that with Sanchez' knee tendonitis, take the Titans, easy!

In Cincinnati... The woeful Steelers make their way to the Queen city to salvage the season against the Bungles. Here we are suddenly thinking "Wow the Bengals are playing great!" You know what? I know it's "Jacob's Team", but I just can't see the Bengals keeping it close. Every time the steelers go to Cincy to play, they beat up on the Bungles pretty good. and Pit couldn't run the ball THEN either. Steelers -4.0? that's it? Woww, Steelers to cover cover cover the 4. Easy!

And that's

Dave's (boinnnng!)

ABRIDGED LOCKS (bing!)

of the Week (bonnng!)

To review: NE -4, Ten +2.5, Pit -4.0 . And quite honestly, if the Bengals actually beat the Steelers this week then I will truly think pigs have flown in the sky.

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WEEK 4

Week 4 is upon us so once again we call upon

Dave's (BOOM!)

LOCKS (BLAM!)

of the Week (crinkle)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week

Cliffs Notes Edition, Week 4.

Don't have the new keyboard yet, so I will type shorter sentences to save time. Let's go right to the picks!

I'm a picking the STEELERS to cover the -6.5 points at home vs San Diego. Steel City needs a little iron tough home cheer to get them going, and they'll get it. It's about TIME the steelers played an easy team. yes, I just called the Chargers and easy team. May I be struck by a LIGHTNING BOLT.

onward! to New England!

What? The same location in back to back LOCKS of the Week? OH YES BABY... I'm going to show a little more LOVE this week to the NE Patriots.

P-A-T -- NE will kick a lot of those

R-I-O -- Oh NO, Baltimore!

T-S New England!

Patriots! (donald duck!)

Patriots! (donald duck!)

Wherever we may go we'll wager high HIGH HIGH HIGH!

ok ok, enough. Patriots for the win and for the cover (-2.0)

now back home to my kind of town CHICAGO, Illinois!

The Bears are who we thought they were! and they're playing the Lions.

Should be a tougher game than you might think. However, the Lions are still not a good football team, and this time the Bears can score points. I dare say this will be a blowout for Chicago. Bears -10.

that does it for

Dave's (fwish!)

LOCKS (splash!)

of the Week (doink!)

To review: Steelers -6.5, Pats -2.0, Bears -10


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WEEK 5

Time to start on the losing trail... it's!

Dave's (bonk!)

LOCKS (whirrrrrrrrrrr!)

of the Week (ping!)

Dave's FLUNKS of the Week

Week 5

I just know I'm going to lose this week... It's too good to be true to have back to back winning weeks. Even so, I'm going to try anyway:

TO THE PICKS....

First in NY/NJ/CT: The G-men meet the raiders in likely a very ugly, ugly football game. Not to mention, Eli Manning is questionable to start. Even *if* he starts, you're looking at a qb with a bum foot, even against the Oakland chucks.

The chucks (no longer "raiders") have had embarrassing losses, each one more embarrassing than the last. This week, you'd think "well they're gonna get brow beaten!" but maybe not... consider this: the chucks do pretty decently with pass coverage. They're allowing around 200 yards per game... not great, but not bad.

More importantly, only three times last year did Eli Manning have a home qb rating above 80. 80!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eli Manning flat out doesn't play as well at home. While the Chucks have a pathetic run defense, there may be enough turnovers to keep them in it. So a line of 14.5 is extreme. I say Oakland covers +15.5 on the road at the meadowlands. Let's give it up to the CHUCKS!!!! but G-men still win it.

onward!

It's Crab City! It's Baltimore! It's the Ravens! It's the Browns! It's a WHUPPIN'! The bengals have had some pretty good run so far, but they are a pretty mediocre team... which for them is a great year.

but..!

The ravens are going to go out there and tame the bungles... Ravens by 90! (-8.5)

final pick of the day... to the Gateway city!!!

For all the good the cardinals are, the rams are just as BAD. This is a really REALLY terrible team, and the line of -10 for the Vikings? Not enough! I dare say the Packers go out to the dome and take this puppy by at least 10 pts. Minnesota (-10) for da win!

Ravens, Vikes, Chucks... THAT is

Dave's (bloom)

LOCKS (zoom!)

of the Week (clack!)

again, Ravens -8.5, Vikes -10, Chucks +15.5. Here comes 0-3!!


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WEEK 6

Here it comes... the time is running... it's TIME for

Dave's (tick)

LOCKS (tock)

of the Week (BONNNG!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week, Week 6

The *timely* edition

Time is running out for many teams here in the NFL, and this week we focus on Time time time... see what's become of me... while I look around, for a possiblity... that is blah blah...

[how in flip did I memorize that much of a Bangles cover song?]

Welp here we go... to the PICKS!!

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...

First, we go to Minneapolis, where the Ravens have been hitting some hard times... Their wings were nearly fried up and served with ranch dressing. Their spirits are as low as the tide (nevah mohr!), and boy are they crabby... so crabby, I think they'll rip the horns off the Vikes and peck away at an UPSET SPECIAL... take the points and possibly the win for the Ravens (+3) AT Minnesota! BOOM SHAKE, FAVRE'd for the Count!

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...

Next, out to Pittsburgh... where the steel city's home team have been struggling this year. At home, on the road, it doesn't really matter. Not to mention, they haven't really covered the spread outside of that SNF game against San Diego, wherein they still nearly blew the game. While pittsburgh is favored by 14 against the lowly browns, I have yet to see any game between these two classic cities decided by more than two touchdowns. If I haven't seen it I may have missed it... go for the Brownies to pick up the dog biscuits and cover the sperad of kibbles and bits... Browns +14 baby!

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...

Finally, we go to San diego, where I think the time is RUNNING out for the mighty broncos' undefeated season. Undefeated the broncs will be no more. Once they play a talented team, and by that I mean the Chargers, away from their comfort zone in Mile High, the Broncos will be in for a rude awakening. The Chargers often play the Broncos very very well even when they had Cutler. Take the Chargers -4.0 at home easily!

And THAT (tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...) is

Dave's (bleep)

LOCKS (buzzz)

of the Week (rrrrrrrinnng!)

So to review Bal +3.0, Browns +14, SD -4.0 . It's a dog eat dog weekend, save for the Chargers. Although if you think about it, the Chargers might be considered media underdogs, so its as good as an upset :)


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WEEK 7

Boy look at these lines! The oddsmakers have the point spread of 11 of the 13 game set at 7.5 points or less!!

[bum bum BUMMMMMM..!]

How will we get by on

Dave's (aieee!)

LOCKS (aaaaaaah!)

of the Week (slash!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week

The Thrilla in the Chilla, Week Lucky Seven Edition

so come join us, as we enter the HOUSE... of horrroooohhhhsss

twwwweeeee! [organ]

Your ghouish moment of suspense begins in London town (bonnng!) Where there *is* a double digit point spread *bonnnng*... and there are two teams *bonnng* and a hellish offense from Tampa Bay *bonnnnng*... But there is long travel afoot! You must take the Bucs and the (+14.5)... OR DIEEEE AAAhahahahahaaaaa...

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Our next tale takes place in a little lair... a fine place with a rarified air...

It's Kansas City, where there's smoke afoot...

It's the smell of ribs and a little soot...

So the home town team goes out to play

And the Chiefs look to ruin the Chargers' day

Ah, but what line do we have in store?

But a paltry line of half plus four?!

Bah! We cannot play the lie... Take San Diego to cover (-4.5) and say... goodbye!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH (noooooo!!!)

And at last, the... Dolphins come to play... ok enough horror schtick... basically, the Saints are visiting the Dolphins, and with Miami coming off a bye, they are going to be more ready than ever before. Don't be surprised if the Dolphins give the most dominant NFC team so far this a tough time. Line is -6.5, and it would be extremely impressive if the Saints won by double digits... BUT IT WONT HAPPEN! The Dolphins are well coached, have a good running game, and a good home crowd. Planet Miamiwood takes the points! (+6.5)

And THAT is

Dave's (chop!)

LOCKS (whiiiiirrrrr!)

of the Week (creeeeeeeeak)

Amazing that October is almost over already... years gone by fast. So again the picks are Miami +6.5, SD -4.5 and TB +14.5


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WEEK 8

A doo dooo doo wa wa wa... booo bee booo....

Daaaaaaaaaaaaave's (ahhh ha ha)

LOOOOOOOCKS (ay ay ay)

oooooooooooooooof theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK (ooo ooo oooo oooooooooo)

Dave's Doo Wop LOCKS of the Week

Week 8

Nothing pre-produced about this week's LOCKS of the week... we're going acoustic and acapella... TO THE PICKS!

First off to Orchard Park...

In the stilll...... of the niiiiiight

The bills were suuucking.... sucking it tiiiiiight

And the Teeeeeeeeexans were coooomiiiing

They had an ooooooffeeeeense, they got it riiiight

Buffalo saww them... out in the 20...

A pass (doo wop), so deep (doo wop), and three touchdowwwns

In the stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill, of the niiiiight (in the stiiiiill of the niiiiight)

Take a wild guess who I'm picking! Texans (-3.5), EASY.

and now to the revenge LOCK of the week...

A ba ba woombawombababa baa ba ba ba HOO! (stomp!), Who kicks the dolphins' aaaaass?

Tell me tell me baby, I know just what you do...

You pile up points on the New Orleans and just when I knew you

A grip of points were scored on you like simmons in the ass

a ba ba wombabobobbaba ba bab aba HOO! (stomp!) Who kicks the dolphins' aaaaaass?

46-34, the final scored on you

How can anyone believe you, its dumb the picks you threw

So this week at the meadowlands the Jets score 52

a bab ab wombowomba ba ba ba baaba HOO! (stomp!) Jets cover (-3.0)!

and now, finally, to the game of the week... VIKINGS vs PACKERS!

You brought us joy and laughter... we needed you so...

But then you sucked a new one, we had to let you go....

Favre you had said you loved us... but now you want to to stick one in us...

We have to stay with Rodgers, your ego wouldn't let it go...

so I say...

YOU WHIIINE, like a baby (you whine like a baby)

WHINE WHINE like a baby (Favre you little baaaby)

WAAH WAAAH why'd you hate me (you got to move ooooon!)

woah woah woah woah woah...

btw, I can't be-LIEVE herd is so adamant the packers are going to tear up the Vikes. man I would LOVE to see it happen, but frankly, the Vikes win this one, not by a ton, but by enough to cover the (-3.0) spread. Either way, it's gaonna be a good one!

So that ends

Daaaaaaaaaave's (wa waa)

LOOOOOOCKS (ooh hooooo)

of the WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK (wweeeeeeeee heee heeeeeeee)

So again, no dogs this week (you can see what happened last time I picked underdogs... ugh.) Texans -3.5, Jets -3.5, Vikes -3.0.

btw, I also have three "parallel universe" locks of the week this week, just in case something disrupts the time space continum

:::WWWWHOOOSH!:::

Parallel Universe LOCKS (clink!) of the Week: Seattle +9.0, Arizoner -10, Baltimore -3.5


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WEEK 9

Start spreading the newwwwwwssss...

I'm leaving todaaaayyyy

I want to be a part of it...

Dave's (clang!)

LOCKS (bang!)

of the Weeeeeeek (gonnnng!)

I want to be in the LOCKS that never keep... ok enough singing.

So! Dave did it again last week... proving once and for all he's as sure a bet as Jim Cramer's financial stock picks! 2-1 the previous week bringing his season total tooo.. (drumroll)

ba baba ba baaaa 13-8

and this week we do it again, TO THE PICKS!!

First, over yonder in the sticks of Indy... It's the Indianapolis Colts hosting the medium hot Pace Picante Houston Texans (yee ha!). The Texans, 5-3 are on the road with their pretty good QB Matt Schaub and their very good WR Andre Johnson. Would you believe they're actually doing what everyone predicted them to? wow! The Colts, as good as they are offensively, as wonderful as Manning has played, are really asking for it. They're 7-0, but overdue like a lost library book! I'm not calling the upset, but I am calling the Texans to cover that REEEEEEEE-DICULOUS (+9.0) point spread. Take the points, and take the Texans to make it a close game.

Next, we go down south to the Peach State of Georgia. The Falcons, coming off a short week and a tough loss at New orleans, try to lick their wounds as they face the woeful Redskins. I know Washington's off a bye week, and I know the Falcons are tired, but I'm a still calling the Falcons to cover the (-10). Falcons dirty bird all over the tribe and take over in Atlanta!

and now, finally, the game of the time slot from 1pm to 4pm pacific time! It's the Chargers, sending electricity all the way out to New Jersey where they'll meet the reeling NY Giants. Hoo boy, here comes another butt kicking...? not so fast everbody! The Giants will have their way against the Chargers, they'll rebound from the pounding they took last month AND... the G-MEN will take the (-4.5) and blow out San Diego.

and that is...

Dave's (boing!)

LOCKS (doink!)

of the Week (blam!!)

Special note to my LOTW readers... I also did LOCKS of the Week on Todays podcast, complete with background music. Again, the picks: HOU +9, ATL -10, NYG -4.5


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WEEK 10

Once again it is time for our Count-up edition of

Dave's (ping!)

LOCKS (bang!)

of the Week (whizzzzzzzzzzz)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week

Week 10: the Pinball edition...

link in case you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa39mmh-Tkk&feature=related

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh WOW!!

1-2-3-4, 5, 6-7-8-9-10, 11-12...

dooooooo dodododod dooo dodododododoooo doo doo dodododo doo doo dooh

1-2-3-4, 5-, 6-7-8-9-10, 11-12....

doooooo dodododoo dooo dododododo doo doo dododododo doo doo dooh...

da da da DAH, 10!!

Here we go for week TEN...

First to the Steel City where TWO big games will be played this weekend. Not only will the Steelers host the Bengals, but you also get a huge game for the Pittsburgh Panthers against the Note Dame Fighting irish. First of all... take the Panthers -7 at home. Are you kidding? Panthers will devour the irish for breakfast... lunch, dinner, snacks, tea time, you name it.

Now to the actual LOCK of the week... STEELERS by the same margin, -7. Ok Cincy you had your fun, with your close finishes and surprise wins, but now its time to play a game with real expectations. Cincy is going to fold over like a pancake. Steelers by 28!

more on week TEN...

Now to San Diego, where the Chargers will run out of batteries against the Philadelphia eagles... The Eagles will win by not two but TEN points. Just when you thought the Eagles were done... they come back with a huge win... and just as you thought the Chargers put it together, you can BET they'll come up short here. EAGLES +2...

Finally, to the Sunday night game, where Dave isn't afraid to take on the big matchups... How about two teams that have been good for the last TEN years? To Indianapolis we go and to Lucas Oil Stadium where even though the Patriots are +3 point underdogs, I'm taking TEN Brady and the Pats to beat up the Colts. Why? not because "Brady wins football games" not because "The Patriots are a great dynasty (whatever that means)", not because "he makes John Maddens 'top TEN mancrushes'". Nope! I just think the Patriots are healthier and the Cotls injuries will finally catch up to them. Pats +3!

woo woo wooh WOW!

1-2-3-4, 5, 6-7-8-9, 10, 11-tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ELVE!

And that is

Dave's (CLANK)

LOCKS (bzzz)

of the Week (wop woooop)

To review: Steelers -7 at home, Eagles +2 at SD, Pats +3 at Indy

I'm hot baby!! This will be for an unprecedented three winning weeks in a row!

Vacation, Vacation...

Hi everyone!

Sorry for the long absence, everyone. It's been a wild and busy last month or so for me, and as a result, my contributions to LOCKS of the Week have been sparse. I have been on vacation over the last two weeks, and hope to return to full time posting on Monday, January 5th.

Wishing all of you a wonderful, Happy New Year! Here's to a year that's better than ever!

Week 17: Dave's Swan Song of the Week

It's time to say goodbye my friends...

to

Dave's (clack)
LOCKS (fwish)
of the Week (creak)

Dave's final LOCKS of the Week this year
Week 17

It's always tough to say goodbye. All those weeks living on every play, butt on the edge of its seat from September to now. Now it's all coming to an end. So sad... But let's finish the season strong! To the picks!!

First, to LAMBEAU FIELD in Green Bay. *This* is a place that should get all the clip shows and tear-filled memoirs. Remember the big hoopla about "Texas Stadium's last year?" Oh please, its Texas Freakin' Stadium!! This is like Three Rivers Stadium closing... the place was a dump. Texas Stadium was sterile, dull, unimaginative, and frankly, boring. Good Riddance!

But here we're at the Frozen Tundra where the Packers are facing the 0-15 Lions. It's a chance at history!! In fact, going in Green Bay's favor is that the Lions haven't won in Green Bay since 1991! Whoof! Thats especially frustrating knowing both teams are in the same division.

But an air of change is afoot. The Packers were so tantalizingly close to finally winning a game in the final minutes but still folded. Look for the Packers to "pack" it in and lay down against the still fightin' Lions. Lions cover the (+9.0) spread EASILY.

Onward, to the Steel City... hahaha, the Steelers don't play in 3 Rivers any more. Instead we're looking LIVE at Heinz Field, the land of ketchup and weirdly constructed sandwiches. On Sunday the Steelers host the lousy Browns in a warmup game before the playoffs begin.

Can you believe the Browns are (+10.5) dogs? That's a mistake! First of all, the weather forecast calls for Rain and Snow with 10 mph wind. Next, the Steelers for all intents and purposes have a first round bye clinched. The result is the Steelers ought to be resting many of their starters. Cleveland will be making this much more of a game than many think. Besides, it's a rivalry game, and rarely are these games blowouts. Browns to cover.

Finally to San Diego, where the Chargers and Broncos play a winner take all duel to determine the Winner of the AFC West, and the right to get pounded by the Colts in the first round! The Chargers are favored by 8.5? Whaaa? You have to think the game will be closer than you think. These two teams are made for each other. The Bolts and Broncos wrote the book on underperforming (or being overrated, if you will). Watch this one decided by a field goal as the Buckin' Broncos Buck the experts and ride those (+8.5) points, cover the spread and keep the game close!

It's been fun, but it all has to come to an end sometime.. That's all for

Dave's (slap!)
LOCKS (clank)
of the Week (fwoosh!)

Aw... thats it for my picks, but stay with us when we roll out the quick PLAYOFF LOCKS of the Week. Enjoy Week 17 everyone!


Recap: Lions (+9.0) cover at Packers; Browns (+10.5) cover at Steelers; Broncos (+8.5) cover at San Diego

Week 16: Hardest LOCKS of the Week Evah!!!

Regis: And now, Dave, for the Million Dollar question...
Dave: Ok, what is it?
Regis: For 1 MILLION Dollars... WHO will cover the spread in the Carolina/Giants game?

[dramatic music]

Dave: um... can I have a lifeline???

like...

Dave's (slam!)
LOCKS (blam!)
of the Week (squeak)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 16

Holy Moly! Is this the hardest LOCKS of the Week in LOTW history or what? Every single game on the schedule has a line of 7.5 points per less. How would any bettor succeed in this environment? We shall try, hard as we might...

To the picks!!

First, for the easy one. This would be like the 100 dollar question in "Millionaire." Stuff like "What is the number that comes after 1 and 2?" or "Will the Pats cover (-7.5) at home vs Arizona?"

Easy money!! Are you kidding? The Cardinals are really clunking down the stretch. After that laugher against Minnesota, and with the Pats fighting for their lives, and with a QB that loves to turn the ball over anyway, the Cardinals are going to get POUNDED this Sunday. Give the points and let NE steamroll the cardnials so that their breathren Vultures can com after them. Pats ALL OVER the Cardinals...

Next! BACK to Detroit we go... Mooo-tor City. It's too bad the Lions (+7.0) can't get a bailout like the Auto Industry. What a drag. Instead, they'll try to salvage an otherwise win-less season by facing the New Orleans Saints who are absoultely FINISHED in the NFC South. Bush is now out, the Lions have been playing hard all year, the winds of change are upon us... Give it to Detroit and shoo-be-doo, doo-woooooop, LIONS COVER (+7) BABY!!

Finally we head a little west to the Land O' Lakes in Minneapolis. The Vikings appear to be hot, but they're really just average. Sure they won back to back games, but who doesn't? It's the NFL! Even the Rams won back to back games this year. The Vikes face the visiting Falcons, and its going to be the greatest running matchup alive: the Vikes top rated rush defense vs the Falcons #1 rated running game. I'M CALLING FOR THE UPSET! The Falcons are going on the road with their superior, albeit rookie, QB and shocking the NFL. Atlanta is a (+3.5) dog and they will win outright baby! Atlanta covers!

Pencils down! Those are your specials here on

Dave's (blip blop!)
LOCKS (crinkle!)
of the Week (squish!)

Season's Greetings all and MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!
and Happy Holidays to everyone out there.


Recap: Pats (-7.5) cover at home; Lions (+7.0) cover at home; Falcons (+3.5) cover at Minnesota

Week 15: Dave's QUICKIES of the Week!

Once again we're back at it again, here to bring you good pick until the end.
A week ago we were 0-3, but this time we'll pick 'em rightfully
So don your gay apparel high, and witness here as we try

Dave's (ring!)
LOCKS (ding!)
of the Week (dong!)

The Holidays are upon us indeed. Pretty soon Hanukah arrives and then the big one... Christmas Day. May we commercialize to our hearts content!! Now then, let's round our our season with a bang, starting here with Week 15's big time LOCKS of the Week.

To the picks!!

To ARIZONA we go... Would you believe the Cardinals have no line against the visiting Vikings? Is that for real? No line??? Take the Cards!! They're stellar at home and figure to be a cinch against the mediocre Vikes... EASY MONEY! Cards (no line) win outright at home vs the Land-o-Lakes

Now let's soar like a Cardinal from Glendale to the Queen City. On the banks of the river, the Bungles play out their season on a string. Poor Bungles... so much hype for so little output. The Bungles had their run, but now they flat out SUCK. They're getting 7 points at home against the Redskins, but the 'skins are mad! They've been lashing out at each other, and now will want to dominate to get back on track. I think the Redskins cover the (-7.0) and get a huge win at Cincinnati!

Finally let's float down a few rivers from Cincinnati to Baltimore. Time for some Crabcakes and delicious seafood. Imagine a Ravens fan this weekend: hmm, Crabcakes or a Ravens game? Both look ugly, but get me results! If ever the Ravens looked like a LOCK to win, this was the game. The Steelers are riding high but highly beat up. Their offensive line has been weak all year long. Joe Flacco is servicable, which is all you ask for as a Ravens fan. I like the Ravens a lot! The Ravens are (-2.0) favorites and I like them to get it done. Ravens cover the (-2.0) at home.

Ho Ho Ho!! Season's Greetings on

Dave's (blink!)
LOCKS (clump!)
of the Week (bonk!)

Only a few days until Christmas! Stay safe out there!!

Recap: Cardinals (no line) win outright at home; Redskins (-7.0) cover at Cincy; Ravens (-2.0) cover at home

Oof and 3

Love those LOCKS of the Week!

Nothing across for any of my LOCKS of the Week. When will I learn my lesson and just pick the opposite of my gut instinct? I said "Lions win"... they blow it. I said "Packers cover"... they blow it. Then... I had the audacity to actually expect the Broncos to cover a Chiefs game. Well done, Denver. You have once again put yourselves on the "Dave's Wall of Shame."

Really, Denver? REALLY?!?!?! The Chiefs? Ugh... if you don't want to waste money, never, ever, EVER bet anything on the Chiefs. You cannot rely on them to do anything right. I thought I'd learn my lesson. Nope! Geez, louise!

Week 14: Dave's BLOCKS of the Week

Dave's (swish!)
LOCKS (fwish!)
of the Week (splish!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 14

No big introduction this week, as we get right into the thick and the skinny! Ever notice how folks will say "we'll get to the thick of it" or "here's the skinny". Imagine, two opposite terms describing the same thing!

This is going to be a big week of desperation... TO THE PICKS!!

First let's go to Detroit, where the Lions have been tamed to play like little pussy cats. Oof... not good times for Detroit Fans... that is until they go to Joe Louis or the Palace. The Lions are at home to play the Vikings, and I think Vegas knows something we don't know. How is there no line for the game?? The game has been taken off the board!! Wow!!!!!!!!! All I can say is, if anybody's losing to the Lions it's the Minnesota Vikings. They have to be the most inconsistent team in the NFL, they have almost no passing game, and they really should have lost the first meeting with the Lions. That game was played in the Metrodome... THIS ONE will be played in the motor city. Take the Lions to win outright baby (no line)!!!

From cold and windy Detroit we go to... cold and windy Green Bay. The Packers are getting (-5.5) against the usually lousy Texans. The Packers really need this game. It's as simple as this: if they lose here, they're out of the playoffs. You can bet Green Bay will play the game of its life. No defense? No problem! The Texans will turn the ball over for them. Pack to cover (-5.5).

Now we fly from the Green Bay to the Rocky Mountain High in Denver, CO. The Broncos, having dominated the Jets last week are home to host the Chiefs. The Broncos got torched in the first meeting over in Arrowhead. This time, the Broncos, and the elusive to pick against the spread Chiefs, go at it again. Nothing here would surprise me. If the game was decided by a field goal, I'd almost expect it. I could even see the Chiefs winning 58-10. But today is gut check time for the Broncs.

On Thanksgiving Night, the Cardinals really needed to make a stand and go out and CLOBBER a struggling team. They folded like the big wusses they are, but the Broncos will fare much better. Denver is favored to win by (-9.0), and I'm gonna give it to them. The Broncos better not blow this one... they need to really dominate in order to build credibility. And I think they're gonna do it. Broncos cover the whole (-9.0) yards.

All three teams are on their way to Building Block wins... here on

Dave's (trickle)
LOCKS (boink)
of the Week (fwip!)

Here's to a big time Week 14!


Recap: Lions win at home (no line), Packers (-5.5) cover at home, Broncos (-9.0) cover at home

Taking one for the team

I couldn't help it. I had to pick against my Steelers last week. It just seemed too delicious not to taste, and look at the results! The Steelers completely dismantled the Patriots, all at Gillette, 33-10.

I know it blew LOCKS of the Week, but man, I was so happy to see the Steelers win one for the Willie! ...Parker, that is.

Poor Willie. He's been out for a good portion of the season, and as a result, the Steelers running game has been shaky at best. Maybe they DO miss Alan Faneca. My, oh my.

Week 13: Dave's BOUNTY of the Week

Hundreds of years ago, a lot of people sailed on big boats and made sacrifices to help found this land of ours, namely in a land known as Plymouth, Massachussetts. After making the plight to come out there, a few Natives were kind enough to lay the foundation for the feasts we enjoy today. Let's celebrate all the good in our lives with this Thanksgiving Holiday, and then FEAST on

Dave's (gobble)
LOCKS (bobble)
of the Week (chomp!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 13: Thanksgiving Edition

Greetings everyone! Welcome back to LOCKS of the Week. I'm here to give thanks to the Lord above, or your deity of choice, then pick the best football LOCKS of Week 13. Speaking of Plymouth, Mass, how about the Patriots these days? They look as good as they've ever been, so let's travel there first.

We go to New England to start our week. The Patriots are playing the Pittsburgh Steelers. May both teams give thanks to all the men and women who fought for their freedom and may the Patriots fight to COVER the (-1) spread at home. Yep, I'm so thankful for life that I'm hedging my bet and betting against my Pittsburgh Steelers. I have to.. I'm just glad that there's still football in the air.

There's something ELSE in the air and it doesn't smell good. Whoof! I think it's coming from DETROIT, where we head next. The stinky Lions are home to play the formerly undefeated Titans. Boy are the Titan wheels coming apart or what? Internal sniping, panic, and all the trimmings!

But, on Thanksgiving day, before most of the West wakes up, the Lions will get the job done and lose big! The Titans are (-11) point favorites bound to cover. If they can't cover 11 against the Lions, you've got some REAL problems brewing in Nashville.

And finally, remember the quickie about how the Red Skinned Natives helped furnish the feast for Pilgrims all along the East Coast? Howsabout a trip to the home of the Redskins in Washington? The Redskins are home to face the Giants in a huge fight to stay alive in the division race. The 'skins kept it close way back in Week 1. The Giants have been playing GREAT football, but they seem to be banged up. I'm calling for the Redskins upset, which means a sure cover of the (+3.5) at home. Kind of surprising to see the Redskins GET 3.5 at home, but take it, take it, take it!

And thats how it is in the NFL, and on the Mayflower, the Pinta, the Nina, and the Santa Maria, all on

Dave's (toot!)
LOCKS (splash!)
of the Week (chop!)

Happy Thanksgiving to You and Your Family! Make sure to drink responsibly!

Week 12: Dave's VENEGANCE of the Week!

You thought you had me! You thought you could pull that junk on me, all three of you picks! How dare you all!! NOT AGAIN!! I'm coming BACK BABY and with a venegance on

Dave's (BOOM!)
LOCKS (FOOM!!)
of the Week (ZOOM!!!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 12

0-3 last week! It was so embarrassing I couldn't even show my face on the internet. I can't believe how all three picks betrayed me. One of them spoiled late, such as the Titans pick (you SUCK Jacksonville). Another one didn't bother to show up (way to go Eagles! You can't even win OR lose the game!)

So what am I doing? I'm going back and picking ALL THREE TEAMS AGAIN!!

To BALTIMORE we go! Quoth the Ravens, "again? Stop picking against us!"

Ok.. I won't. I'm goin' with the Ravens (-1.0). I'm so mad I can't take it any more. Ravens WIN BY 96!!! against PHILLY. SCREW YOU EAGLES!!!

Let's soar from the battle of the birds out to the Tale of the Titans in Nashville, Tennesee. This week the Titans are playing.... The Titans? Yep, back in the old days, before the Jets (+5.5) were "the Jets" the New York AFC Team was known as the "New York Titans". The "new" Titans have much better uniforms than the old Titans did. Oof... did you see the link? MUCH better!

So I'm a gonna go Old School and pick the New York "old Titans" aka J-E-T-S JETS JETS BRETTS!! Jets win by 508 points. FORGET YOU ALL TENNESSEE TITANS!! I HOPE YOU LOSE EVERY GAME THE REST OF THE SEASON!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Now let's go from that Titanic rumble to our final pick of the week, back West where all the beautiful fishes play. Let's swing it back to San Diego, where we find the final team on the Hit list. The Indianapolis Blokes, I mean COLTS are a lock to cover against the Chargers (-3.0), right? No they're not!! Let's not get carried away everyone. The Chargers' defense is much better and you KNOW SD wants blood from last year's regular... wait they beat Indy in the playoffs. Ah what the hell it's DAVE WHO WANTS BLOOD! DIE COLTS DIE!!! ..at least this week. Chargers dominate and clobber the Colts: Bolts 1,354,768; Colts 10.

Grudge? What grudge? There you have it on

Dave's (bang!)
LOCKS (thump!)
of the Week (splash!)

Revenge never tasted so, so, sweet. Hope your weekend brings good fun and great harmony. Hope you enjoy the NFL this week!


Recap: Ravens (-1) cover at home; Jets (+5.5) cover at Titans; Chargers (-3.0) cover at home

Week 11: CRAZY Dave's Locks of the Week!

HERE'S DAVE MEDINA AND HIS DOG, BLOT!!

If you're looking for a winner, do see Dave
If your wallet's getting thinner, do see Dave

I'VE GOT PICKS UP THE WAZOO, AND I'LL BET A GARRET'S TOO!!
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, do see Dave!

and here's a special offer on

Dave's (click)
LOCKS (BZZZT)
of the Week (bwap bwaaaap)

Dave's CRAZY Locks of the Week
Week 11, or your money back!
[if you missed the reference, see the link here]

Hey this is Crazy Dave and I want you to come on down to Dave's LOCKS of the Week where I've got some amazing fantastic deals on a used Buick and some football picks. My picks are so money I'll balance myself on my pinky if you don't cover!

Let's go to my big bonanza picks!

Won't you take a look at semi used Donavon McNabb from Philadelphia. I'm gonna give away him and the Eagles for the low, low price of (-9.0) points. Now you know you can't beat that or I've got a bridge to sell you. Aw, hell, I'll give you the bridge too! We got some Eagles action against Cincy at Paul Brown stadium and I'm giving you the Crazy Dave special... (-9.0) point cover, aw you can't GET any lower than that, and I say the Eagles are going higher. They're a gonna win by at least 10.

Now then, let's go down to the other end of the lot in Indanapolis! We got a special refurbrished Indianapolis Colts with a brand new engine, a new heart, new tires, and a new fender. You give this puppy a test drive and watch it fly past the Patriots. It'll mow down the Steelers and this week I'm giving you a special coupon of 50% off. Instead of 16 points, I'm a only gonna give it to you for (-8.0) points against the Texans. I'm CRAZY DAVE and I'm almost giving these games away, so come on down and take a chance with our (-8.0) point stallions, the Indianapolis Colts!!

If you thought I was giving you the bargain of the day you ain't seen nothin' yet. Check out our showroom at the corner of Smith and Coughlin. That's right. I've got a few Jaguars just waitin' for a new home. These Jacksonville Jaguars might be highway robbery everwhere else, but I'm CRAZY DAVE and I'm letting you take them and the spread for the low low price of (+3.0) points. And with that pick I'll even give you the

CRAZY DAVE'S SUPER FANTASTIC GUARANTEE(tm)
Protects againt, dirt, dust, grime, accidents, and the Tennessee Titans, who are at Jacksonville.

That's right, y'all, you can take my Jaguars and cruise down Upset Street because I'm letting them go. You can talk to my competitors but where else are you getting the great crazy deals like you get at Dave's LOCKS of the Week. I'm CRAZY DAVE, and out here you're getting the deal of your life. I'll dunk my head in a bucket of water my deals are so good, so come on down today.

and THAT's today's big bargains at

Dave's (honk! honk!)
LOCKS (beep! beep!)
of the Week (ahooooooooooooooga!)

Whether we're crazy or not, hope you have a wonderful NFL Sunday this week. Walk away a winner!

Recap: Eagles (-9.0) cover at Cincy; Colts (-8.0) cover at home; Jaguars (+3.0) cover at home.

Dave's Weekly Pizza Pick

Let's be ambitious! This time on "Weekly Pizza Pick" let's go with a Chicken Alfredo pizza. That sounds so radical, it begs for my tastebuds. In fact, I wouldn't know where to look for one, except Papa John's.

If any of you know of other pizzerias that make a Chicken Alfredo pizza, tell me all about it in the comments, below!

That concludes the Pizza Pick for NFL Week 10!

Week 10: Snow White and the Seven LOCKS of the Week

Hi HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hi HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Dave's LOCKS of the Week!

(whistling) Hi HO! Hi HO, hi ho...

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!!
Who has the greatest picks of them all?

Why Dave does! On

Dave's (shatter!)
LOCKS (splatter!)
of the Week (BOP!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Enchanted Week
Week 10

Now, once upon a time, in land far, far away, there was a guy who made great NFL LOCKS of the Week. Oh, but the Wicked Witch of Parity set out to destroy him. Little did she know that Dave waved his magic wand and poof! Football spreads were covered right on the dot... it was like magic!

It's been a great ride so far, but in Week 10, LOCKS faces its toughest challenge yet! Many games that have all the makings of a big upset. What can you do to avoid eating that deadly UPSET APPLE? How about seven LOCKS of the Week? Let's do it.

To the picks!

Lock number one: The Economy will improve greatly under President Obama's watch. Why? Because it can't get any worse! WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA!

Lock number two: The Mets will absolutely, positively not sign Manny Ramirez this offseason. If they do that I might as well run down my street naked.

Lock number three: The Lions will, let me repeat that, WILL, win a game before Thanksgiving.

Lock number four: Texas Tech will not under any circumstances finish this month undefeated.

Now to our three game picks.

First, to Minnesota! Land of 1,000 Water Wells. You can already hear the Vikings singing:

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)
For a quarterback
To find us (to find us)

Yes, sir! The Vikings are really struggling this year without a decent quarterback. They tried Tavaris Jackson. HE flopped. They tried Gus Frerotte. HE flopped. Imagine if they try John David Booty? He'll get kicked in the booty, thats what! So here come the mean Green Bay Packers. The Vikings have a great run defense? No problem! The Titans had the same thing and Green Bay gave them all they can handle.

Call me crazy, but I'm going with the PACK (vroom vroom!). Take the (+2.5) points and let Green Bay cover with a lake full of cheese. GO PACK GO!

Now let's slide down the icy path from Minnesota on down to the shore of Lake Michigan. Hey hey! Welcome to CHICAGO, baby! Remember that huge scene at Grant Park last night? That's the parking lot before Bears games. And doncha know, the Bears have a big-time showdown with the Un-defeated Tennessee Titans!

Last week on LOCKS I boldy gave the points to the Titans, then -5.5, but the Titans won by only a field goal.

This time the Titans get a taste of their own medicine: another team that defends the run and feasts off turnovers. This game is going down the the wire and YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: The Bears are going to whistle while they work the (+3.0) spread!! Thats my pick and I'm stickin' to it, even if Orton doesn't play.

Finally let's truck it down the highway from the Midwest to the Southwest, and on to the Coast. On to San Diego! The Chargers are set to play the Chiefs in front of tens of people!

It feels like the Chargers haven't played in a month, but in fact, they were just on a bye. At last, they're at home, where they haven't played in a month! Their last home game was a 30-10 beat down of the Pats on October 12th. The Bolts are favored by FIFTEEN! And you know what else? They're getting those 15! The Bolts will electrify California with their domination of the Chiefs, covering the (-15). Call me crazy, again, but they're going to shock the Chiefs! SHOW ME YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT!!!

and they lived Happily Ever After...

on

Dave's (brrrrrrrring!)
LOCKS (whoosh!)
of the WEEK (bing!)

Is it fairy tale time again for football LOCKS? Wait and see!

Recap: Packers (+2.5) cover at Vikings; Bears (+3.0) cover at home; Chargers (-15.0) cover at home

LOCKS recap: Another winner! Ride the Wave!

It's hot, it's NOW... and it's WOW!

2-1 in LOCKS for yet another week, bringing the season record closer to .500!

Here's how the LOCKS fared in Week 9:

Lions (+13.0) cover at Bears

The Lions nearly won the game outright, and easily covered the spread at Soldier Field. Detroit got a lucky break when Kyle Orton left the game with an apparent high ankle sprain. The Bears won 27-23, 9 points short of the 13 point spread.

Titans (-5.5) cover at home

This was so, so close! This wound up being a good game. The Packers played very good football today and had a golden opportunity to steal one at Nashville. Unfortunately it didn't pan out. Tennessee stuck to their fundamentals and gutted out a win in OT. That's what great teams SHOULD do, and the Titans were rather impressive in Week 9. However, Tennessee won by only three, 19-16 (OT).

Falcons (-3.0) cover at Raiders

Wow! Did this EVER cover! The Falcons flipped on the jets and never looked back. Atlanta put this game away after the coin flip and defeated the Raiders at Oakland 24-0.

LOCKS of the Week went 2-1 for Week 9, bringing up the season total to...

12-14-1!!

A tremendous comeback on LOCKS of the Week, which hopes to continue in Week 10.

Dave's Chain-LOCKS of the Week... booooo!

Happy Haunting everyone...

The spooks and ghosts are out on the town tonight
America sits in and watches in fright
As the Cowboys, Lions, Dolphins, and Patriots start to fight
Do join us as we witness the wickedly flight...

of

Dave's (AAAAAHH!!)
LOCKS (EEEEEK!!!)
of the Week (NOOOOOO!!!)


Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Hallo-week 9

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuh, heheheheh, hahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhh (clomp)

-- The Famous Words of Vincent Price

Good Evening... you are about to enter the Dungeon of Doom... AND NEVER COME BACK!!! Time for another chilling good time on LOCKS of the Week.

Let's begin... Going.... DOWWWWNNN????

woohoohahahahahaha

Pipe Organ: "TWEEEEEE!"

First, to Chicago... where the Bears host the Lions coming off a bye week. 'Tis a mismatch of THRILLING proportions. So much so that the Bears own the Lions in many different ways. But this week the ghosts of Wayne Fontes and Barry Sanders will exorcise the hapless Bears and cover the humongous (+13.0) point spread.

Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust, up and away, to NASHVILLE we must! The Ghastly Titans are at home to play the Green Bay Flessssssh Packers. The Titans are due for a let down game... but not today! We shall be witness to a Tennessee Chainsaw Massacre on the Packers as the Titans (-5.5) win by at least a touchdown. BRRRRR-RUM-RUM-RUM!!!

Now we go Six Feet Unnnnder to the depths of THE BLACK HOLE. Welcome to Oakland, CA. The Oakland Raiders are up against the upstart Feasting Falcons. The Falcons are favored by a field goal (-3.0), and are sure to get that margin. Give the points to the Falcons.... IF YOU DARE, MUAHAHAHAHHH.

That covers this monster mash on

Dave's (zap!)
LOCKS (fwa-POW!!)
of the Week (BOOM!)


Happy Halloween everybody!!!


Recap: Lions (+13.0) cover at Bears; Titans (-5.5) cover at home; Falcons (-3.0) cover at Raiders

...and THAT's why they call them LOCKS of the Week!

Boy am I pumped up!! PUMPED baby!!

The Tennessee Titans were deadlocked with the Indianapolis Colts, 14-14. And then, like Blitz Lightning (tm), the Titans stormed ahead with two touchdowns. A grand flurry which put the Titans above the pack as the best team in the AFC!

So it was... Dave's final LOCK of the Week covered in the last ten minutes of the game. Was I excited or what?! The Colts scored one last touchdown on a Peyton Manning QB sneak, but even that was not enough to dent the 4 point spread. Titans win! Titans cover! 31-21.

I covered again!!! So my LOCKS of the Week go 2-1 in Week 8, bringing our grand total TO...


10-13-1!!


It's the hottest ticket in town! Dave's LOCKS of the Week!!!