Friday, October 31, 2008

YOUR Football Weekend Preview

Halloween Greetings from LOCKS of the Week. You just read our HALLO-LOCKS of the Week. Now we get the spooky details of the football weekend. It's time for Andrew's WEEKEND FOOTBALL PREVIEW:

Happy Halloween everyone. Ahhhhh…Halloween. Kids eating candy…girls out in slutty outfits…its good times. Although, not really a holiday (although I would be all for getting a day off for it) Halloween is really the first signal that Winter is coming. Before you know it, it will be Thanksgiving and then Christmas soon after. I love this time of year…not only because I am going to get a bunch of days off of work over the next two months but also because we are heading for some key November football games.

Yep, this weekend if the first few days of November and we’ve got some great football action to cover. First though…I want to talk about my favorite team, the 49ers. A little over a week ago, they axed their coach…a guy who was widely viewed as a very calm guy and sometimes maybe a little too conservative…mean, the guy wore suits on the sidelines during games for heavens sake. So what does my team do…they replace him with a crazy person.

It came out yesterday that Mike Singletary pulled down his pants last week during halftime and gave with team a tongue lashing with his pants around is ankles. Seriously.

Gotta love the 49ers thinking here. Its like they are running a social experiment with their players. We replace the conservative suit wearing coach midseason and replace him with a pants dropping crazy person and see how they respond. Not sure I’m all in favor of my teams ownership running social experiments with my favorite team but it certainly makes them interesting. I mean, I’m interested in seeing what the outcome of this is. Who wouldn’t be. Unfortunately, the 49ers do not have a game this weekend so there will be no more players sent to the showers mid-game or naked halftime speeches…but on the good side, we do know the 49ers will not lose this weekend..and at least that is something. Now on to the games…

College Football

I noticed while putting in my picks for this weekends college football games that there are a bunch of spreads of 20+ points this week. What happen? We haven’t seen that since about week 3 of the season. I mean, it’s the first weekend of November…can we get a few more competitive games here please? Anyways…there are a few that you should keep an eye on…

Georgia/Florida – I mean, people refer to this game as “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”…you can’t miss that, right? We all remember last years game and the little stunt that Georgia pulled after they scored a TD early in that game. Will that come back to haunt them this year by setting up a Florida team for revenge? I HOPE SO! Should be a good, nasty game in Jacksonville.

Oregon/Cal – I’m not watching this game…so why am I mentioning it? Because I want to make a point. I HATE…I really mean, HATE…the PAC-10 this year. Last week I was all excited to see Texas play Okla St on ABC Saturday afternoon...but NOOOOOOOOOO. We were stuck with UCLA/CAL. Ugh! Seriously? We have be forced to watch these crappy PAC-10 teams when there are so many better games going on in college football. I don’t like it. I HATE you for being so RIDICULOUSLY BAD PAC-10. SCREW YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY GAMES!!! OK…moving along…

Texas/Texas Tech – another BIG BIG-12 GAME OF THE WEEK….and another BIG-12 game that should feature very little defense. Good times. This will be the final game in whats been a fairly brutal stretch for Texas. Watch out though…Texas Tech is at home and took down Oklahoma there last year. I expect texas to get a little post-Halloween scare in this one.

The Pros

Packers/Titans – Surprisingly, I haven’t mentioned the Titans very much this year in the WFP. I mean, they’re only undefeated. I actually gained a little more respect for them with a fairly impressive win on Monday over the Colts. This team, in a strange year with a lot of bad NFL teams, is winning with the ole’ reliable formula…great defense and a good running game. Should be a competitive game for them this week against the Packers. I’m not saying they will get their first loss…but its gotta happen sometime soon, right?

Jets/Bills – You know, I was a little disappointed in my Bills last week (not really “my” Bills). I had bought into them and was giving them the edge to win a fairly weak AFC east. Then they go and lose to the stupid Dolphins. Really Bills? Ugh. Now they seem to be in a dogfight for the division with the Patriots. Ugh. I think they’ll win this week though…with the help of some Brett Favre interceptions. Yay!

Cowboys/Giants – now, this game would be A LOT better if Tony Romo was playing. I mean, then I would at least give the Cowboys a chance winning. With Brad Johnson..not so much. Still, its always fun to watch a Cowboys team that everyone was drooling over at the beginning of the season lose…so even if its not close, this game will be VERY watchable.

Patriots/Colts – last year around this time, when these two teams played each other, they were both 8-0. This year...not so much. Surprisingly, the Patriots are still tied for the lead in the AFC east despite no Brady. Meanwhile, the Colts are getting old fast…really fast. This could be their last stand…a loss and we might not see this team come January. In fact, I’d actually like to see a January with neither of these teams.

Actually, the best game this weekend might be on MNF…Steelers/Redskins. The Steelers have lost 2 games this year…both to NFC East teams. Advantage Redskins. Game is in Washington, DC the night before the election. Have you voted already? I didn’t think so. I have though! Wear it!

Ok…that’s all I got this week. Enjoy the games everyone…and happy Halloween...

Andrew Jacobsen

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dave's Chain-LOCKS of the Week... booooo!

Happy Haunting everyone...

The spooks and ghosts are out on the town tonight
America sits in and watches in fright
As the Cowboys, Lions, Dolphins, and Patriots start to fight
Do join us as we witness the wickedly flight...


Dave's (AAAAAHH!!)
of the Week (NOOOOOO!!!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Hallo-week 9

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuh, heheheheh, hahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhh (clomp)

-- The Famous Words of Vincent Price

Good Evening... you are about to enter the Dungeon of Doom... AND NEVER COME BACK!!! Time for another chilling good time on LOCKS of the Week.

Let's begin... Going.... DOWWWWNNN????


Pipe Organ: "TWEEEEEE!"

First, to Chicago... where the Bears host the Lions coming off a bye week. 'Tis a mismatch of THRILLING proportions. So much so that the Bears own the Lions in many different ways. But this week the ghosts of Wayne Fontes and Barry Sanders will exorcise the hapless Bears and cover the humongous (+13.0) point spread.

Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust, up and away, to NASHVILLE we must! The Ghastly Titans are at home to play the Green Bay Flessssssh Packers. The Titans are due for a let down game... but not today! We shall be witness to a Tennessee Chainsaw Massacre on the Packers as the Titans (-5.5) win by at least a touchdown. BRRRRR-RUM-RUM-RUM!!!

Now we go Six Feet Unnnnder to the depths of THE BLACK HOLE. Welcome to Oakland, CA. The Oakland Raiders are up against the upstart Feasting Falcons. The Falcons are favored by a field goal (-3.0), and are sure to get that margin. Give the points to the Falcons.... IF YOU DARE, MUAHAHAHAHHH.

That covers this monster mash on

Dave's (zap!)
LOCKS (fwa-POW!!)
of the Week (BOOM!)

Happy Halloween everybody!!!

Recap: Lions (+13.0) cover at Bears; Titans (-5.5) cover at home; Falcons (-3.0) cover at Raiders

Monday, October 27, 2008

...and THAT's why they call them LOCKS of the Week!

Boy am I pumped up!! PUMPED baby!!

The Tennessee Titans were deadlocked with the Indianapolis Colts, 14-14. And then, like Blitz Lightning (tm), the Titans stormed ahead with two touchdowns. A grand flurry which put the Titans above the pack as the best team in the AFC!

So it was... Dave's final LOCK of the Week covered in the last ten minutes of the game. Was I excited or what?! The Colts scored one last touchdown on a Peyton Manning QB sneak, but even that was not enough to dent the 4 point spread. Titans win! Titans cover! 31-21.

I covered again!!! So my LOCKS of the Week go 2-1 in Week 8, bringing our grand total TO...


It's the hottest ticket in town! Dave's LOCKS of the Week!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

New York City... SUPER GIANTS!

PITTSBURGH-- Who needs a terrible towel when you have a terrific front four?

"3-4 THIS!!!" said the New York Football Giants, crushing the Steelers offensive line when it counted most, during the fourth quarter. The running game was weak for Pittsburgh. Essentially, the Steelers brought a paper knife to a gunfight, and the Giants defeated the Steelers in an odd one, 21-14.

Worse than this, Ben Roethlisberger threw four interceptions, which led to several Giants field goals. Only ONCE, did the Giants score a touchdown. Outside of that, it was the field goals, and a very awkward safety off a bad snap to the punter. The ball fluttered past the "Orlovsky Zone" and went for a safety. It was so baffling, even the computerized box score reported "undefined."

"Baffling" basically sums up Sunday evening. The game had hard hits, lots of turnovers, and was not one for the faint of heart, but wouldn't you know, the Giants' defense carried the G-Men to a win.

Most striking about Sunday's big matchup was that, the game asked more questions than it answered. Just how good are Pittsburgh's special teams? How did the Giants fare so poorly in the Red Zone? Could the Steelers' offensive line be overrated?

Who between these two teams is legitimate? Perhaps neither of them are. After all, it didn't seem like either team executed much offensively. Still, somebody had to win, and on this night it was the New York Giants. Well earned victory for the Giants, and well timed, with some tough games coming up.

It was an exciting moment for football, but the mystery continues: Who are the best teams in the NFL? Tonight's Monday Night Football between Indy and Tennessee will give us some more... revealing clues. Come solve with us, won't you?

YOUR Weekend Football Preview

Andrew Jacobsen brings another one of his Weekend Football Previews. I'm sorry for delivering this late, fellas. Busy week. So now, in tardy fashion, is the WEEKEND FOOTBALL PREVIEW:

DAMN! This has been a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG week. Seriously, it seems like its been almost a month since I’ve watched any good football action…when really its been only two weeks (not counting last week which was void of any quality college or NFL football games). Since that time, my favorite team fired its head coach, Tom Brady had 8 more knee surgeries, Brett Favre called 3 football teams to tell them how to beat the Packers, Jim Haslett became the best coach in football, PacMan punched 2 more of his body guards, and, apparently, Tony Romo broke his pinkie again. Its just crazy…

Well, in just a few hours the weekend will be here. Before it starts, lets preview the weekend ahead…

College Football Saturday

#6 Oklahoma St/ #1 Texas – once again the #1 team will be tested against another highly ranked opponent…and like the times before, this should be a Texas win. Wow was Texas impressive last week against Missouri…and I hate them for it. Them winning all but finished off my bet for Missouri to win the National Championship. Hey, it was 17-1 odds…come on, give me a break! Plus, who would have guessed Penn. State getting there at the begging of the year?

#7 Georgia/#11 LSU – FINALLY! A good SEC game on CBS. Its only been about a month since they’ve had one of those. This one should be pretty good. BTW…the best quote I heard all week was from Les Miles, who…when asked about that ridiculous hit that referee put on the South Carolina player last weekend in their game against LSU…said “YOU GOTTA WRAP UP! Didn’t wrap up!” Awesome. I hope he wins just because of that.

#3 Penn St/ #9 Ohio St – Damn! Again, I’m forced to talk about Ohio State here. Ugh. Well, this actually is an interesting game (maybe the last one in the BIG-10 this year). With a win, Penn State will have the inside track to the national championship game as they will should be heavily favored in every game they play the rest of the year. Still, in the crazy college football world we live in these days, no win is a sure thing…particularly when your head football coach is 135 years old. Seriously, who is coaching this team?

#5 USC/Arizona – Like Penn State, this should really be the final test for USC this year..Arizona, somehow, is actually a pretty decent team. Although, knowing USC, they only lose the games in which they are favored by 30 points or more…so they should win this one easily.

Pro Athletes Sunday

Chargers/Saints in London – I’ve gotta admit, I don’t mind these games played in other countries half way around the world. I really don’t. I mean, I never go to the games anyways and always just watch them on TV, so why would I care where they play the games? They could have these games played in remote regions of Africa and I wouldn’t care. This matchup is actually interesting too.

Bucs/Cowboys – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I hope the Bucs win this week. Imagine the scene in Dallas next week if that happens? Oh man. What a circus. That might give us our 4th head coach to be fired this year. Awesome. I’m all for it. BUT…for some reason I think Dallas pulls this one out. Desperate football teams almost always do..particularly when at home…and Dallas is a desperate football team right now.

Giants/Steelers – Ahhhhhhh, some solid afternoon entertainment. Despite both teams having only 1 loss, I’m still…for whatever reason…not really solid on either one. I mean, that could just be because I’m not sold on ANY team this year in the NFL…but I just don’t trust any football team week to week right now.

Of course, we also need to keep an eye on the BUNGLES/TEXANS and REDSKINS/LIONS games this weekend and hopefully the dream of an 0-16 season remains alive. (BTW…I think both those matchups could be closer then people think. Watch out!)

There it is boys and girls…enjoy your weekend.

Andrew Jacobsen

Friday, October 24, 2008

Dave's Weekly Pizza Pick

Mmmm... Olives! I don't know how it happened, but I have been craving a thin crust Olive Pizza all week long. Nothing fancy, just a basic cheese pizza with an olive topping. I don't think it even connects to any theme for any of the games.

The weekly pizza pick is: Olive pizza fresh from the oven! Delicious, hot, and somewhat succulent.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Week 8: Dave's LOCKS of the Weak

In the beginning... there was space...
Then there was time...
and soon... there were

Dave's (fwoosh!)
LOCKS (flash!)
of the Week (gush!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 8

Hi again, everyone and welcome back to LOCKS of the Week. In all the one years I've done LOCKS, I never had a tougher week than this one. I must say this is the hardest LOCKS of the Week ever picked. These LOCKS are going to be weeeeeaaak, but never fear, sports fans! Take pride in these picks and walk away happy, just don't bet too much on any of them so you don't come running after me... OK!!

So with humility, to the picks...

Let's jump start this thing over in HOUSTON! Reliant Stadium is so good to me. First, it helped us shake out 0-fer week by narrowing the field. Go Texans! Then it helped save my LOCKS a week ago. Go Lions! Now I'm about to go to the well ONE more time.

I know this is dangerous. I can't keep riding the same team all year long, but dammit, these guys are a big part of 0-fer watch, those Texans. Without them, the NFL would be a whole lot of 8-8. Who needs that? Instead lets be reliant on Houston's team to........ keep it close! The Bungles are back. Oh yeah, and look at this: Would you believe that both teams are ranked near the bottom of the NFL in turnover ratio? Yeah I know, me and my turnovers. Hey, I go with what works, and what won't work is either team keeping the ball. Watch for the eee! ooh! aaah! hot potato all afternoon and watch for Cincy to COVER the (+9.5) points at Houston. Don't be surprised to see a Bungle uprising!

Houston can't possibly win three in a row, can they?


From the humid heat of Houston to the hot beaches of Miami and out to Dolphin Stadium! The Dolphins are at home again to avenge their last loss to Baltimore. While last week, the Fins feebily flopped, this week the Dolphins will Diligently Dominate the Buoyant Buffalo Bills! Why buoyant? The Bills scored a huge win at home against the Chargers in Week 7, but this week is a different story. Buffalo is, dum dum dummmmmmmmm, on the Road!

The Bills have a +31 point differential, worst among division leaders. Over 6 games, that means an average margin of victory of five points a game! Clearly, the Bills are a fluke waiting to happen. Let's not forget, they have yet to beat a team currently above .500.

So how does it all add up? The Fins Fight to a big cover (+1.5) slathered with tartar sauce. Go Fish for a fresh catch, straight from the ocean to you!

Now we'll sail up the Atlantic from Miami to Nashville Tennessee. The Titans are home this week to play the Indianapolis Colts. Music City Miracle you say? No sir! The Titans are legit. They won every game but one by at least seven points. They're the best cover team over the last 2-3 years. They're playing one of the most fragile teams in the division, they being the Indianapolis Colts. It could be a good game, but I like the odds for Tennessee. Give the points to the Titans, all (-4.0) of them and let's boogie!

That, mercifully, brings an end to a very precarious

Dave's (creeeeaaaaaak)
LOCKS (snap!)
of the Week (Aieeeeeeeeeeee!)

Again this is going to be a really tough week. I have a tough feeling about this one, but I'll give it the best shot. Enjoy, boys and girls!

Recap: Bungles (+9.5) cover at Texans; Dolphins (+1.5) cover at home; Titans (-4.0) cover at home.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

If John Madden misses a game, and nobody watches, does it make a BOOM?

You may remember back in the post Deconstructing Madden how we revisited John Madden's first regular season NFL assignment way back in 1979.

After 28 years of BOOMS! POW! FWAKS! and DOINKS!, John has the week off Sunday Night Football. Welp, all I can say is, buddy, you've earned it! Enjoy your well deserved break.

By the way, this game is going up against Game 7 of the American League Championship Series on TBS. The audience for Sunday Night Football could be its lowest in years.

Now, whether John asked for the break himself is a matter for another post...

LOCKS recap: I covered

LOCKS of the Week continues to make its climb to the top. It was dicey for a few moments, but two of three games were covers.

In EAST RUTHERFORD, the Giants (-9.5) held off the 49ers to win by 12. Ding! Dave gets the pick right.

In KANSAS CITY, the Chiefs (+8.0) got their butts kicked by the Titans, 34-10. Someone save that run defense! Dave gets the pick wrong. BZZZZ!

but, cherish the day!

In HOUSTON, the Lions (+9.5) kicked a field goal late to cut the lead from 10 to 7, and it stood up. Houston 28, Detroit 21. The Lions cover! The Lions cover! Can't we dish out game balls for covering the spread? Dave gets the pick right!

In total, yet another winning week for Dave's LOCKS of the week. 2-1 this week, and now... toteboard please:

8-12-1 for the season!

Stick with us, as we continue to pick the winners on LOCKS of the Week

0-fer watch 2008: Stayin' Alive!

Today is one of those days we can be thankful to jokers like Dan Orlovsky who help to make these great 0-fer watches possible. Without lousy players like these, the NFL is a more mundane place.

Before jumping into Detroit's game, let's review the Bungles' attempt at 0-16...

In Cincinnati, the Bungles were overmatched from start to finish. The Steelers dominated, 38-10.

Now, let's go out to Houston, where the Lions met the previously winless Texans. It started off badly enough, where the Texans jumped to a 21-3 lead. Then, the Lions kept holding on the ball. Calvin Johnson contributed with a big reception to get the Lions into scoring range. The Lions managed to cut the lead to 7 with a field goal late in the 4th quarter, but in the end, it was Houston who kept the Lions on their path to oblivion!

Next week, Detroit will be at home to play the Redskins while Cincinnati will be at Houston to keep the dream alive! For the Texans, no rest for the weary! Houston plays both winless teams back to back, while in Week 6, they were winless themselves. Whew!

Stay tuned for more updates as we travel the Road... to 0-16!

MY St. Louis Rams

Way back in July, when I was in New York City, I predicted the Rams would go 11-5 and win the NFC West. People laughed at me. Everybody who had a mouth lambasted my projection. They said "What a MORON! He predicted the Rams! They'll be lucky to win a game." People threw tomatoes at me as I crossed the street...

Ok no they didn't, but let's pretend...

Weeks 1-5, It looked bleak. The Rams went 0-5 and got outscored by a combined 104 points. Coach Linehan was fired. Then... it happened.

A bye week! But besides that...

The Rams came out with a blaze of fire! First they hung in there, and gutted out a win in Washington. Then this week, they CLOBBERED the Dallas Cowboys 34-14! Back to back wins versus the vaunted NFC East. I recognize the Cowboys used their backup QB, but let's face it, this was domination! It's no fluke...

The Rams are BACK baby!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Your Weekend Football Preview

Here we go one more time with LOCKS of the Week Contributor Andrew Jacobsen and his Weekend Football Preview:

Back again…by popular demand…YOUR WEEKEND FOOTBALL PREVIEW.

Is it just me or is it starting to feel like Fall now? Halloween is fast approaching. Baseball season is FINALLY winding down. And it was only about 90 degrees in downtown LA yesterday. Yes, Fall is here!...And that means, MORE FOOTBALL!!!

College Football

First off, I want to give props to the BIG-12 for giving us some great matchups this season in college football. Not only did OU and Texas give us the most entertaining game of the year so far last weekend, but we can thank the BIG-12 as a conference for making up for the other conferences sucking it up this year. Seriously? What happen? The SEC isn’t as good this year as in years past. The PAC-10 sucks. The BIG-10 still sucks…ditto for the ACC. The BIG-12 and all its high power offenses have saved us so far. And there are some great BIG-12 matchups in the coming weeks...and this week with…

#16 Kansas/#4 OU – Fresh off their loss to Texas last week, Oklahoma looks to rebound at home against Kansas this weekend…and I think they will. I mean, OU has ONLY beaten Kansas 21 straight times in Oklahoma. Should be an entertaining one…

Also in the BIG-12…

#11 Missouri/#1 Texas – Game of the week here. I’m still pissed at Missouri though. They SHOULD have won last weekend against OK St., but they played flat on offense and got beat at home. Had Missouri won, this game could be between the #1 and #2 or #3 ranked teams in the country. Still, with a win, Missouri could get back into the championship hunt…and Texas would be just ANOTHER #1 team to lose after gaining the top spot.

Ohio St./Michigan St – Usually the biggest game versus a Michigan school for OSU is in November, but this year its Michigan State that should provide the bigger test. Ohio St. hasn’t played a really good football game since before their loss to USC earlier this year. They might have to play their best game of the season to get a win against a pretty good Michigan St team.

Mississippi/Alabama – I’m going to keep mentioning Alabama games here on the preview until they lose. I mean, they are #2 right now…and maybe rightfully so…but I just can’t help but think that they are going to lose very soon. Very, very soon…maybe this weekend. Until they do, I’m going to mention them here because I don’t want to look back and see I missed it.

Pro Football

SD/Buffalo – Does the “west coast teams always lose when playing 1pm east coast games” theory hold up again? Seriously, why can’t teams on the west coast win games on the east coast? Is the time difference that difficult to handle? I don’t get it. Either way, this should be a good one in Buffalo. We’ll see if the pattern of play this season continues for the Chargers in this game…good one week at home, bad the next week on the road.

Dallas/St. Louis – I’m not going to watch any of this game unless its close late…BUT… I’m writing about it because can we PLEASE STOP espn…stop all this Cowboy drama. Listen, I love chaos as much as the next guy and love to watch teams fall apart (as long as they aren’t mine…damn! Too late!) but seriously its too much. You would think the cowboys are 0-6 and not 4-2 listening to all this stuff.

Indy/GB – Probably the most interesting game of the weekend. Both teams have struggled to start the season and both seem like they will be having to fight for a playoff spot come the end of the year. Which team can put it all together and grab a win this weekend? I have no clue…hey, its called football “Preview” not football “predictions”. Should be a fun game though.

Also, two other games of note…PIT/Cincy and DET/HOU. Both games feature the 0-fer Bengals and Lions. Can the winless streak continue for both? I hope so. I mean, I usually don’t wish ill-will on others (ok, yes I do sometimes), but I would LOVE to see a team go 0-16. Wouldn’t that be something? Imagine if they both went 0-15 and then played each other at the end of the season? WOW! Now that would be awesome…but unfortunately not how the schedule is set up. Maybe if they both go 0-16, the NFL could set up a 1 game playoff between the two…winner gets the #1 draft pick. Now, that would REALLY be something.

Done. Enjoy the games and the weekend everyone. Be safe…

Andrew Jacobsen

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Week 7: Dave's CLIFFS NOTES of the Week!

105 miles to Los Angeles, on 4 hours of sleep, it's 11pm, and I'm wearing sun glasses.

Let's hit it!

Dave's (vroom!)
LOCKS (honnnk!)
of the Week (screech!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 7
(on a "Mission from God")

Time for an abridged edition of our beloved LOCKS. Let's do this thing!

To the picks!!

To the Meadowlands first... oh baby I've been waiting all week for this. The Giants are seeking blood and revenge for their loss in Cleveland. The 49ers are toast. The Giants (-10.5) will find their groove back. Give the points to the Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-men and see them knock the EUREKA out of the Niners.

To Arrowhead Stadium next... Kan-sas City baby! You know... I'm wondering if the Titans are going to drop the ball on the road... ah let's just take the points and give KC
(+8.0) the cover. No idea why, It's late and I'm tired. If this really happens, I'll be dancing on Haley Street!

To HOUSTON last! A big contribution to 0-fer watch was that great Texans/Dolphins game last week. What will the Texans do for an encore? Well let me tell you, both teams have HORRIBLE turnover ratios and pt. differentials. These teams are evenly matched. How in the hell is Houston favored by 9? That's ridiculous. Lions cover (+9.0), easy.

That concludes

Dave's ("sure to go 0-3")
LOCKS (clunk!)
of the WEEK (wobble, wobble)

Recap: Giants (-10.5) cover at home, Chiefs (+8.0) cover at home, Lions (+9.0) cover at Houston

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Cowboys... are who we THOUGHT they were!

GLENDALE -- Fans won't need rocket science to dissect the Cardinals' big 30-26 win over the Cowboys today, in overtime.

Lousy Pass Defense + Awful Turnover Ratio + Cardinals Home Field Advantage = A crushing Cowboys loss.

It's particularly deflating, because their big rival Washington lost to the Rams at Landover. Imagine that Cowboys' locker room tonight. Could this be a wake up call?

0-fer watch 2008: It is down to two!

Winners! We have winners!

Within seconds of each other, both the Rams and the Texans got their first win of the season. Interestingly enough, both were decided within the last 18 seconds.

In Washington, the Rams made a startling 4th quarter drive and set up a Josh Brown 49 yard game winning field goal! Rams win 19-17. Who'd have thunk it?

--welllllllllll, I think I saw a win as a possibility. After back to back tough games against the NFC East, the Redskins were over-due for a letdown game, and surely enough, they were stifled by the Rams defense. Great win for St. Louis.

In Houston, the always competitive at home Texans staged a 4th quarter comeback of their own, capped by a goal line touchdown run by quarterback Matt Schaub. Final score, Texans 29, Dolphins 28. It was an impressive display of mettle against a generally solid Dolphins defense.

Now only two winless teams remain: the Bengals and the Lions. Who will win first? The inside track is still on the Bengals, but... the NFL can make fools out of all of us. We'll see for ourselves in Week 7!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Perfect Season: Part Two

Last year, the country was turned on its ear by the New England Patriots and their undefeated regular season. It seemed impossible! Never before did a team go 16-0. These days even going 6-0 is difficult.

This year the world eagerly awaits the first 0-16 season in NFL history. Somebody can do it! Who is the best candidate?

So far, there are four teams in the NFL without a win: the 0-4 Texans, the 0-4 Rams, the 0-4 Lions, and the 0-5 Bungles.

Step One: Toughest Schedule

There is no empirical way to evaluate a team's remaining schedule. The best bet is to simply go by the number of teams scheduled who are currently .500 or better. Each team listed below is linked to its remaining 2008 Schedule, followed by a tally of games versus said teams.

Remaining games vs. teams .500 or better

Rams: 8
Lions: 6
Bungles: 5
Texans: 5

When it rains, it pours. It's so funny that both St. Louis and Detroit have already played some tough teams, and they are still due to play many more. Compounding their season, the Lions get a number of 2-3 teams who figure to be solid: the Jags, the Saints, and the Vikings (twice!).

Head to Head Matchups: Next week, the Lions and Texans will play each other, in Houston! That will eliminate a candidate instantly. In addition, the Texans will play the Bungles, also in Houston.

Step Two: Turnover Ratio

Who has the worst turnover ratio of the bunch? One can tell right away from the chart below the Lions lead the pack and it's quite gruesome!

Turnover Ratio

Lions: -6
Texans: -5
Bungles: -4
Rams: -3

Truly amazing. You'd think with all the points the Rams give up they'd lead the pack in negative turnovers. Not the case! It's possible the Rams have some very hard-core special teams issues. Meanwhile, the Lions are, predictably, Number One. If they're gonna turn it over, they might as well go all out, right?

Step Three: Point Differential

Point Differential is the difference between the number of points the team scores, and the number of points the team allows. The larger the number, the better the point differential. This is a remarkably accurate way to predict the legitimacy of a team's record in baseball, and it works similarly in the NFL. Here's where our fearsome foursome stand.

Point Differential

Rams: -104
Lions: -81
Texans: -47
Bungles: -44

Let's hear it for the Rams! Blowing away the competition in negative point differential, despite a rather good (for their record) turnover ratio. It's true: when the Rams lose, they lose pretty badly. It's fascinating that the two AFC teams here have point differentials twice as good as the Lions. What a way to debunk the strength of the NFC!

The Verdict

First of all, we can already eliminate the Bungles from contention. Already they played two very tight games against the Giants and Cowboys. They have good playmakers. If they can compete with the class of the NFC, I'm pretty sure they'll come around quickly!

The Texans are a non factor because they have not one but TWO chances to play one of the other 0-fer teams, both at home. At home, the Texans manage to play very, very well, win-or-lose.

I'd hate to admit it, but St. Louis may be on its way to a win, possibly tomorrow (Week 6 at Redskins). It seems like their turnover ratio is too good to persist winless. In fact, the Rams had Buffalo on the ropes a few weeks ago but couldn't hang on. The 31-14 score that day was misleading.

That leaves... the good ol' Detroit Lions! Isn't it great to see Detroit up to its old tricks? Who could forget the 2-14 masterpiece season in 2001? Or perhaps the eight consecutive losing seasons? Detroit has it all: a horrendous turnover ratio, a deplorable point differential, and the second hardest schedule of the four 0-fer teams.

Detroit, our pride rests on you. It's not going to be easy, but YOU CAN DO IT!

(Don't forget to post your own predictions in the comments below)

The Red River Rivalry Shootout Game

Final Score: Texas 45, Oklahoma 35.

That was fun wasn't it?! More details here.

If I were a football team...

There are four teams remaining in Major League Baseball's Postseason.

Red Sox

If each one was a pro or college football team, who would they be? Post your response below in the comments!

My responses:

The Dodgers are the Miami Dolphins. Seemingly forgotten for 20 years, yet, suddenly upsetting the media darlings in convincing fashion.

The Phillies are the Missouri Tigers. Prolific on offense, and somewhat under the radar. With this team, the scoring comes all at once. Blink, and you're down two scores!

The Rays are the Kansas Jayhawks. A perennially AWFUL team suddenly storming the league. With this team, you wonder when the clock will strike midnight.

The Red Sox are the New England Patriots. They're from the Boston metro, they're gimpy, they may be on their last legs...... but are YOU about to count them out?

Friday, October 10, 2008

YOUR Weekend Football Preview

It's that time again! Here's LOCKS contributor Andrew Jacobsen with the Weekend Football Preview:

It’s Friday again and that means the weekend is just a few hours away and another Football Weekend Preview. Of course, I promise this one will be shorter then last weeks…yeah I know, I got a little carried away there. Anyways…

Now, I’ve been bashing the NFL schedule a little the last few weeks for some of the crappy matchups we’ve been having to endure. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the NFL a ton…and for the most part, almost every game is close and exciting at the end (the average NFL game is decided by 4 points or less…ok, I’m making that up but it sounds about right). The problem we’ve run into this year is there aren’t any great or must watch teams out there in the NFL right now.

Last year we had the Patriots and Colts start…what?...8-0? By midseason, the Packers and Cowboys had become must watch teams as well. There were 4 teams that you felt you had to watch no matter who they were playing. This year, seemingly nobody fits that bill. Sure, the Cowboys are still interesting…but for some reason I don’t feel the same way I did about them last season…maybe because I know a meltdown is soon coming (probably in the form of another playoff loss).

Meanwhile the Colts, Patriots, Packers and other teams that we thought would do well this year (Chargers and Jags, for example) have been disappointments for one reason or another so far. So what are the great or must watch teams? Giants? Yeah, Super Bowl champions and all, but still I’m not compelled by this team. Titans? Boring. Bills? Who? Answer: There really are none. Why? I don’t know. Injuries have a little to do with it, I guess. Also maybe we are in a transition phase in the NFL right now with so many teams being so young.

Maybe…and hopefully…one or two (or three or four) will emerge as the season goes on. Still, this is shaping up to be as wide open a year in the NFL as we have seen in years…probably since 2002 when we were left with a forgettable Raiders/Bucs Super Bowl matchup. Get ready for a Titans/Redskins Super Bowl everybody!

(luckily for us, the NFC East division is so strong this year. At least we will occasionally get some must watch matchups from there)

College Football

Oh man! HUGE weekend in college football this week. What makes it even better is…MY ROOMMATES ARE OUT OF TOWN! Seriously, any of those of you out there who have ever lived with 2 or more people, you know what I mean. It always seems like someone is home and you virtually never get the place all to yourself. Well, this weekend I hit the jackpot…both roommates gone and the change to sit around and watch college football all day Saturday. I’m going to roll right out of bed on Saturday morning and go straight to the couch. I’m not even going to bother putting clothes on. Its going to be awesome.

Texas/Oklahoma – Gotta roll out of bed early for this one…9am start out here on the West coast. Damn. I will probably remember none of this game since I’ll most likely be recovering from a bad hangover while its going on. Still, even with that, this is much see TV. Two big rivals…both ranked in the top 5…both teams sporting high scoring offenses…should be fun. Who wins? Hell if I know (although, I give the edge to a more well rounded Oklahoma team).

Notre Dame/North Carolina – Wha? Why? Seriously, why am I writing about this game? Well, did you know that both teams are 4-1? Notre Dame? 4-1? Really? YEP! Now, this doesn’t mean either one of these teams are very good…in fact, I don’t think either one is really all that good. Still, I think its funny that Notre Dame is 4-1 and nobody cares. We all know you suck Notre Dame. Once you play a half decent team, you’ll know it too.

LSU/Florida – This one just sounds awesome doesn’t it. Of course it would be even a bigger game had Florida not given a game away to Ole’ Miss a few weeks ago. I am is still not happy about that one. Florida will need a win in this one to keep their hopes alive for a national championship.

Oklahoma St/Missouri – This will likely end up being the most entertaining…and LONGEST…game of the day. Both teams sport high powered offenses and, like me at a bar, scoring will be no problem. First one to 50 wins! Lets go Missouri!!

Penn St./Wisconsin – I still don’t know what to make of Penn St. Are they really this good? Tough to think they would be with a coach that’s so old he can’t even stand on the sidelines and watch the games anymore. Wisconsin meanwhile almost never loses home games but lost last week to Ohio St. Will it happen two weeks in a row?

Pro Football

Ravens/Colts – What the heck is up with Indy? Shouldn’t this team really be 0-4? The Texans just gave the game away to them last week…back to the bench Rosenfels!! The Ravens have been surprisingly decent this year. I’m kind of rooting for the upset here.

Jaguars/Broncos – This is a game I wish was being shown locally in LA (damn you Raiders!!!). I’m still not sold on the Broncos and the Jaguars have been a mess this season (couldn’t even beat a banged up Steelers team at home last week) after being so good at the end of last year. I swear it has to be the “Dave Super Bowl Pick” JINX that has them down.

Cowboys/Cardinals – At first, I thought this would be a Cardinals upset since the Cowboys have struggled a little the past two weeks and the Cards play very well at home. BUT…then everybody and their mother started picking the Cardinals to get the upset win. When that happens, its best to go the opposite way. Still, should be a good one in the dessert.

Patriots/Chargers – Rematch of the AFC championship game from last year, however both teams do not look much like they did in that championship game. Big game for both teams…maybe a little bigger for a Chargers team that has struggled to put it together so far this year. I’ll lean Chargers in this one…but if they lose, don’t be surprised to see LaDainian Tomlinson cry during the post game news conference. I’m just warning you.

There you go people. Enjoy the rest of your Friday and weekend…

Andrew Jacobsen

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Dave's Weekly Pizza Pick

...and now time for Dave's next Weekly Pizza Pick!

Look at all those shivering people! What are they doing? They're having pizza at good ol' Pizzeria Delfina, located at 3611 18th St. in the San Francisco Mission District. This place does pizza the old fashioned way, with a nice lil' oven to pipe them out. In honor of the big Eagles/49ers game, I recommend a pizzeria that SCREAMS "SF!" This is it! Take a gander at their website, doesn't it feel San Fran to you?

Besides all that, they have a reputation for great pizza. Plus, it's not overly expensive. California Pizza Kitchen, move over!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Week 6: Attack of the Giant LOCKS of the Week!

Somewhere in Tokyo, a giant point spread attacks the city. Hapless denizens are powerless to stop them! Even firefighters can't put it out. Japan is doomed, unless... unless it can call on the powers of

Dave's (STOMP!)
LOCKS (grooowwwwl!)
of the Week (bonk!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 6

Fooled ya! You thought I'd roll out some baseball themed "LOCKS" this week? Nope! Instead we gotta attack these giant point spreads! Here we have the "league of no gimmies," and yet we have not one but TWO giant point spreads this week. I love me a spread like Kirstie Alley at the buffet (hah! Speaking of giant Japanese attacking monsters, right?).

To the picks!!

First giant spread of the day is in our nation's capitol, Washington, D.C. Take a jet ride to the big football park over in Landover, MD. It's the LARGEST NFL stadium in the country, holding over 90,000 loyal fans. For the last 10 or so years we saw 90,000 rip-offs from the Redskins. This year it's different. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS INDEED! Time to go Hoggin'! After storming to a 4-1 record, America's "other" team is poised to devour some St Louis Rams!

St. Louis Rams go so well with a touch of 11 spices and BBQ sauce, but instead let's devour the point spread. +13.5?! Are they nuts? Did they not watch the Cincy/Dallas game last week? Never underestimate the opponent, especially a team looking for its first win. HAIL TO THE RRRRRAMS... that's right, the RAMS (+13.5) cover that huge spread and keep the game close.

Next, we move to the other meanacing point spread, looming over the land of 10,000 lakes. We're sailing on to Minneapolis! The Minnesota Vikings of Minneapolis (-13.0) are home to host the hapless Detroit Lions (of Detroit). Oof, talk about your mismatches... the Vikings new purple people eaters vs the sack magnet that is the Lions. This could get ugly before the first Joe Buck Promo on Fox. ouch! Look for the Vikes to Slam-a-lama (BONNNNG!) DING DONG the Lions and cover the (-13.0). This ain't just giving points... this is flat out charity!

Remember that Daft Punk song, "One More Time?" I'm a-gonna try one more time to pick a Denver Broncos game right. DAMN THOSE BRONCOS!! Damn Them!! I hate it!! When I pick them to cover, they blow it... when I pick the other team to cover, they blow it! ARRRGH. Enough with that... back to Invesco Field! Last pick of the day.

We just slayed the two big point spreads of the day. Now it's time to tear down premonitions. How could I not be inspired by the Jags' defense against Pittsburgh last week? They lost, but they played well. The Broncos have no defense, and yet, they're favored by (-3.5). Bag that sucka, and take the Jags to take a bite out of equine! Jags to cover the spread (+3.5) at Mile High/Invesco. Jags have NO RESPECT, I tell ya, NO RESPECT!!

and THAT's how it is on

Dave's (dink!)
LOCKS (donk!)
of the Week (doink!)

and this week, before Andrew's preview, I want to add a hearty GO TEXAS!! I'll say it now, and never root for the Longhorns again. Beat OU! Beat OU! Beat OU!! Enjoy the picks everyone.

Recap: Rams (+13.5) cover at Redskins; Vikings (-13.0) cover at home; Jaguars (+3.5) cover at Broncos

Pacman Gets Into a Fight

Pacman gets into a fight. It's all Inky's fault!

...should have eaten the Energizer pellet.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Disappointments of the Week!

I couldn't wait to write this post! It's now time for Dave's

Disappointments of the Week
Brought to You by (we think)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH and guess who goes first?! Thaaaaat's right, it's the

San Di-ego SUPER CHARGERS (lost 17-10): Really, SD? Really?! Actually, yes, really. I honestly didn't think this was such a big surprise. Not at all, because first of all, I thought the Dolphins are and were a much better team this year. They have plenty to prove. Good running back, accurate quarterback, fairly good defense equals a competitive Dolphins. Secondly, the Chargers STILL don't have a very good defense compared to what we expect. I'm short on time, so I won't be able to outline the details.

Dallas Cowboys (won 31-22): HAH! This is what you get when a team pats itself on the back. To be honest, the Cowboys deserved to lose. If not for a fluke play not even intended for him, ol' reliable Patrick Crayton would have been held to zero catches in 2 out of 3 games. That's inexcusable. I warned my buddies the Bengals were playing better football, and here in Dallas Sunday, the Bengals executed well enough to win. Palmer threw for 217 yards with 2 TDs. The Dallas Secondary is not fooling anybody.

and now, the big one

Buffalo Bills (lost 41-17):
What disappoints me most about the Bills is their supposedly good defense coming apart at the seams this week. Most experts thought the Bills were bound for a loss. Most experts felt the Cardinals would out-pass the Bills. Most experts thought there'd be a lot of points scored, but nobody was ready for this. The Bills simply were asking for it. First, they fell behind at HOME against the Raiders and needed the entire Raiders coaching staff to klunk for a win. Next they fell behind by two touchdowns at St. Louis, and had to throw like gangbusters to pull away. So what does this say about Buffalo? Nothing! The Cardinals managed to do mostly the same thing against the Dolphins, and check them out now.

Week 5 was one of the most satisfying weeks in some time. I most definitely saw many of these things coming (including the Redskins' cover of the spread at Philly), and I think everyone saw Buffalo losing a trap game. I'm starting to figure out the pattern of parity in the NFL. It's a good feeling... until I get it all wrong next week.

Running Backs: Don't Leave Home Without 'Em

Week 5 in the NFL proved a tried and true adage: Run the Ball, Defend the Run, Mix Up the Passing Game.

Or, in other words: you need to run the football.

Many times, the team with a great running game will have a much greater chance to win. Let's take a look at some of the more dominating games of the week and compare their RB performances.

Seahawks 6
Giants 44

Brandon Jacobs had a MAGNIFICENT game! Jacobs ran for 136 yards and scored two rushing touchdowns. Jacobs is having a great season for NY, rushing for an average of 95 yards a game, 4th in the NFL.

Chiefs 0
Panthers 34

DeAngelo Williams ran for 123 yards and two touchdowns, while his running mate, Jonathan Stewart, pitched in 72 rushing yards for the Panthers. Together, they helped the Panthers keep the ball for a STAGGERING 38 minutes and 54 seconds.

Bills 17
Cardinals 41

This is a good example of what happens if your running back struggles. Buffalo rode a 4 game win streak into the Arizona this afternoon, but all the while, Marshawn Lynch had performances fluctuating between 50-80 yards. While serviceable, the Bills appeared to need bigger passing performances and, most of all, turnovers, to win games. The lack of a more consistent running game was going to catch up to the Bills eventually... and how! Lynch was held to a paltry 55 yards and the Cardinals ran all over the Bills in Glendale, AZ.

One last example was today's Eagles game agains the Redskins. It's hardly a coincidence that both teams are near the top of the NFC East. With Washington's Clinton Portis and Philadelphia's Brian Westbrook, it was no surprise both teams kept up with each other until the 4th quarter.

It turns out that Portis was the clear winner between the two, with 145 yards plus a TD (Westbook had a lousy 33 yards).

So when you go out for that big game, make sure you get your Running Back with that QB and a side of fries. He's like the gun for your holster, or the Laurel for your Hardy.

The Running Game: It's Everywhere You Want to Be

Friday, October 3, 2008

Your LONG Weekend Football Preview

He's baaaack!

LOCKS of the Week Contributor Andrew Jacobsen starts the weekend with a bang! Here's another one of his Weekend Football Previews:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh yes. Another Friday. Oh man, do I look forward to Fridays. Is that good? I mean, I go through an entire work week wishing it was the weekend. That is about as obvious a sign that you don’t like your job that I can think of…and that can’t be good. Why can’t I be one of those people who enjoys their job? Who are these people anyways? I’ve always thought you are supposed to hate your job…which why they call it a “job” or “work”. Anyways…

Two people who don’t have a “job” or “work” right now are Lane Kiffin and Scott Linehan. Seriously, when did firing coaches in the middle of the season become the new “thing to do” in football? Not too long ago, it was ridiculous to even considering doing such a thing…not in the NFL. This week, it happen TWICE! When did firing football coaches become like firing baseball managers…where even teams headed to the playoff will fire a manager just weeks before the season ends. I’m not saying either one shouldn’t have been fired but if we are going to do this NFL, lets go all out on this. Marvin Lewis, I’m looking at you. Watch out Rod Marinelli. Start packing your bags, Herm Edwards. I mean, if its going to happen, why not just get it over with, right? Come on guys! Lets do this! We can have them all out by Halloween if we really try!

One last thing before I get to this weeks game previews, I want to first pat myself on the back for something I stated in last weeks Football Preview. After USC had lost to Oregon State, I said the following: “Remember how awesome college football was last year? It seemed like every week the #1 or #2 team (or in some cases both) would lose. It was complete chaos…last night, I hope USC’s loss is the first of more to come for top ranked teams over the next few months. LET CHAOS REIGN!”

So what happened? Chaos was the order of things during last weekend. 3 of the top 4 ranked college football teams LOST (USC, Georgia, and Florida). It was awesome! AND on top of all that, we had the Cowboys (the new favorite for everyone in the NFL) losing at home on Sunday. What a great weekend!

(side note: last night #10 south Florida lost to Pitt to start off things this weekend in the “sucks if you are a ranked team” ESPN Thursday night game)

Now we have Oklahoma, Alabama, LSU, Missouri and Texas (order depending upon the pool) as our new top 5. Well, get ready folks. Get ready for some debates…no, not presidential debates (lame)…get ready for the end of the year debate of who should play in the national championship game because, more then likely, all of the current top 5 teams will lose at some point here coming up. That’s gonna leave us with lots of 1 and 2 loss teams at the end of the season and the endless debate that we all love to share our opinions on even though we hate hearing everyone else’s. Good times are coming. And so is this weekends preview…

College Football

Lets start with two Bounce Back games:

Oregon vs. USC – A game between the ONLY two RANKED teams in the PAC-10. Really? ONLY two teams PAC-10? What a joke! The SEC has TWO teams ranked in the TOP 5. The BIG-12 has THREE…yes, THREE…ranked in the TOP 5!!! Well, after this week expect the PAC-10 to have only USC as a ranked team. Do you really think USC will lose two games in a row? No…I don’t either.

Florida vs. Arkansas – I’m really only mentioning this because I just now noticed how ridiculous Arkansas schedule has been the past few weeks. I don’t think any team has had a tougher schedule to start the season…which has included games against Alabama, Texas, now Florida, then at Auburn next week. That’s 4 games in a row against top 15 teams. Yikes! Welcome back to college football Bobby Petrino…if anyone deserves that, its YOU!

Missouri vs. Nebraska – Again, I’m only mentioning this game because of a teams schedule…Nebraska’s. Did you know that Nebraska has 8…EIGHT!...HOME games this season. They will play on the road only 4 times! How does that happen? Really? Shouldn’t there be some board or something that makes sure that doesn’t happen? Is that really fair? Well, I guess Nebraska still sucks though and lets hope (Please! Please! Please!) that Missouri goes into Nebraska and beats them up this weekend.

Ohio St vs. Wisconsin – I picked this game at the beginning of the year as THE game in the BIG-10. Of course that was before I knew about that Penn State team and their “old as dirt” head coach. But still, this game…wait a second…hold on…I’m still on an Ohio St. boycott! Forget about this! Lets move on…

Auburn vs. Vanderbilt – apparently ESPN’s College Gameday is going to be in Vandy for this game this week. Really? Do we really think Vanderbilt is that good? I’m not buying it. I say that come seasons end, Vandy won’t even be ranked. Enjoy it while you can Commodore fans!

Also…seems like this season is starting to get a little crazy in college football…be careful this weekend Oklahoma and Alabama.

And now to Sundays…

Well, we got through the week 4 bore and now we are back to some awesome pro matc…wait…ugh! Again! Crappy NFL games all over the place this weekend. Dammit! I mean, when a winless Bungles team against the Cowboys is your big national game Sunday afternoon, we have a serious lack of compelling matchups.

Actually both night games this week aren’t too bad. Steelers vs. Jags is an interesting rematch of a playoff game from a year ago…even though both these teams aren’t as good as they were a year ago…who knew you need an offensive line to be successful in football? Saints vs. Vikings is interesting as well. If for nothing else, fantasy purposes.

Washington vs. Philly – Who saw the redskins win over dallas last week coming? If you said “I did” to that question, you are a LIAR! Still, I was very happy to see it but I expect a letdown for them this week in Philly. Still, these NFC east matchups are MUST SEE TV in the NFL this season. Best division in ALL of pro sports.

Seattle vs. NY Giants – I don’t know why I have so much interest in this game but I do. Seattle plays HORRIBLE whenever it travels to play a game in the eastern time zone. The giants don’t play as well at home as they do on the road…dating back to last year and continuing this season. Really, they should have agreed to play this game at a neutral site somewhere in Kansas or something. That probably would have benefited both teams.

Buffalo vs. Arizona – Who would have guessed at the beginning of the year that this would have been an interesting game? Geez. Bills are 4-0 but I have sneaky suspicion that changes this weekend. Arizona is very good at home and as long at Kurt Warner doesn’t decide to turn the ball over another 6 times this week, this could be a very tight game. Of course I won’t be able to see it because I’ll get to watch the Bungles STINK it up against dallas. Oh boy!

That’s it. Enjoy the games and your weekend everyone... (Is it just me or are these getting longer? Mad props to you if you read the whole thing because I didn’t.)

Andrew Jacobsen

Dave's Weekly Pizza Pick!

Here we go! Time for a Week 5 Pizza Pick.

It's a busy weekend in football, so let's go with a quick pick this week. The Cardinals host one of the bigger games of the year against the 4-0 Buffalo Bills. Your best bet for Pizza this week is Pizzeria Bianco

Pizzeria Bianco is located in the heart of Phoenix, a few miles from Glendale where the big stadium resides. Why not treat yourself to one of their premier, wood fired, crispy pizzas and relax in its warm ambiance. Then the next day, watch as the Cardinals try to stave off the Bills! If you're feeling intrepid, ask if they make a Buffalo Chicken pizza.

Dave's Week 5 Pizza Pick: Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix, AZ

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Week 5: The Great LOCKS Debate... of the week

Thursday, Capitol Hill

Speaker of the House: Hear! Hear! We are here to decide on Dave's LOCKS.

Congressman: Are we bailing out Dave's LOCKS of the Week?

Speaker: No!!! We're gonna whisper some good advice and get him back on his feet!


Dave's (bang! bang!)
of the Week (clickclickclickclickclick...)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 5

Hey everybody! Hope your bank accounts are safe and sound, or present. Take whatever you can get... stocks are on shaky ground, just like Lane Kiffin was last week. WHERE'S MY RIMSHOT?!

Anyway, if the Stock Market was a betting website, it'd be this place. Whoof! 0-3 last week? My goodness!! Duck for cover now!! Let's turn that bear into a bull shall we?

To the picks!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a little karma here, so let's go in reverse order:

LAST we go to the Valley of the Sun, Glendale, Arizona!! In the Valley of the Sun is a beautiful new stadium so eloquently named for a commuter college. Fantastic! It's the Arizona Cardinals hosting the Hot Buffalo Sauce Bills! Tasty!!

How good are the Bills? Actually, I don't know, but against the spread they're 3-1... not too bad for a team on the rise. Meanwhile the Cardinals are absolutely dreadful on the road and on a 2 game losing streak. Something's gotta give. I could go into stats, but instead I'll pose a question: If a Bill is caught dead in the desert and there were no vultures around, guess who gets to eat up? THE CARDINALS!!! I'm picking the Cardinals to cover their meager spread (-1.0) and fatten up on dead Buffalo in their beautiful home field.

NEXT we go back to Texas Stadium! Boy has that place been good to me. First, their local team, the Cowboys, and how about them Cowboys, all but guaranteed a Redskins cover (which I stupidly didn't list on LOTW). It also hosted the recent Cowboys/Eagles game. Remember that shootout? It's a shame this place is closing down. They're shutting down like Carson Palmer against the blitz! SMACK!

But you know what? Give the Bungles some credit. Two weeks ago they nearly shocked the Giants in the Meadowlands. The Bungles are playing good football! Am I calling for a BUNGLES UPSET OF THE WORLD? Of course not... but look at the line! (-17.0) for the Cowboys? That's just ridiculous. The oddsmakers are basically saying "Here! Take our money! We don't want it!" Are these guys stock brokers?

We all love Tony Romo, but the only Tony you should count on is TONY THE TIGER and he's on the Bengals... Bengals to cover (-17.0). Take the points. They're GRRRRRRRRRRREAT!

and FIRST we travel to Baltimore, the Home of Michael Phelps, and to a lesser degree, Katie Hoff, and to a lesser degree than that, the Orioles.

The Ravens are poised to dominate again on defense against another great defensive team. There's only one problem. IT'S THE TITANS!! Do they feel the upset? Quoth the Ravens, "never mo'". I'll tell you why. The Titans are undefeated against the spread and are phenomenal against the spread going back to '06. If they're favored, they cover. If they're dogs, they'll cover. and against the dregs of the NFL they played this month... oh they covered baby!

Besides, Tennessee has THE best turnover radio in the NFL, +6! The Ravens? A measley +1. So what time is it Ravens? Game time? Nope, it's time for you to LOSE! Ray Lewis, you're a nutjob. Are the Titans gonna cover (woof woof woof woof!)? They're favored by (-3.0) on the road (woof woof woof woof!)! Ravens don't have a chance. Give the pts and let's start TITANS FEVER!!


Speaker: All in favor of Dave's Picks Say "Aye"

Congress: AYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaker: Meeting adjourned!

BANG!! for

Dave's (grumble)
LOCKS (mumble)
of the Week (bump!)

Recap: Titans (-3.0) cover at Baltimore; Bengals (-17!!) cover at Dallas, Cardinals (-1.0) cover at home