Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Week 1: Here at last!! It's Dave's LOCKS of the Week

*Ahem* where's that record?


Aaaaah, something to remember
Aaaaah, dancin' in September



It's THE BIG 12!!!

(ok no it isn't)


[cue monty python music]

Dave's (boink!)
LOCKS (doink!)
of the Week (bonnnnnnng!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 1


Hello again everybody and WELCOME to the greatest four months of our year. It's here! Football is at our footstep. Boy aren't you all so glad you waited out 78 meaningless basketball games, and then 259 meaningless baseball games? Now we have the goods.

Let's kick off the season with the battle of Favre. Miami, Florida! All we talk about is Favre! Is this for real or a Madden fantasy? ...and, are there other players in the NFL?

Of course there are! In fact there's a whole team called the Dolphins, 1-15 last year, much better odds this year. They even have a good quarterback, Chad Pennington. They have a pretty good defense too! Bill parcells, the big tuna trader, did a remarkable job restoring credibility to the Dolphins. Will it translate to wins? Do you believe in Miracles? YES!! YES!!!

UPSET SPECIAL ALERT!!! The Dolphins (+3.0 at home) are going to beat the Jets, my friend. Might be by a field goal... might even win by more, but Rock, Jet, Flippers... c'mon you know flippers wins every time! BRING THAT TUNA UPSTREAM and pick the Dolphins to win and shock the northeast!

Let's go a little further upstream, all the way to Atlanta, GA.

Now, the Falcons haven't been able to get up off the ground the last two seasons. Basically they said "Take... these broken wings and learn to fly again, learn to live free..." Free from that dope Michael Vick that is. The Falcons are a really young team, so young that some still have their pacifiers. Yet, they do have an underrated D. More than that, the favored Lions (-3.0) have no defense. No veterans? No experience? No problem!

Take a free ride and bet the HOUSE on the Falcons to cover as a rare home underdog. You can take that to the POUND.. um er, I mean bank.

Finally we'll fly from the Georgia Dome to the banks of three rivers. Yep, we, are headed to Pittsburgh, the Steel City!

The Steelers are a 6.5 pt. favorite vs the Houston Texans. But we're talking about two very very explosive offenses in warm weather. Two things are gonna happen... ok three things!

1st, the entire steel industry is going to shut down to watch the game
2nd, the over under of 43 pts is going to be shattered! CRASH!
3rd, and most important, I'm taking the (ba ba ba bum) deep in the HEARRRT of TEXANS to cover the massive 6.5 spread.

and THAT is

Dave's (sploosh!)
LOCKS (clomp!)
of the Week (ping!)

Happy Kickoff Everyone!


To review:

Dolphins (+3.0) cover and win vs Jets
Falcons (+3.0) cover vs Lions
Texans (+6.5) cover at Steelers


Take the over for the HOU/PIT game (43 pts)

No comments: