Dave's LOCKS of the Week: Week 16

From my Christmas travels it's time for

Dave's (plop)
LOCKS (bonk)
of the Week (fwop)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 16

Again a Merry Christmas to you all! This week, an adbridged LOCKS of the Week to round out the second to last week of the season. You can bet everyone has the holidays on their mind, but let's hope they also have playoffs on their mind too. LOTS of teams still in it for the playoffs. TO THE PICKS!

First, let's do the easy one: Pittsburgh at Balitmore. I don't see how the Ravens lose this game, and to top it off, they get points! Quoth the Ravens "we get points? How did that happen?" The Oddsmakers are pretty smart on this one. They not only factor in the teams but the fans too. Imagine... they're having coffee and say "wow, all those goober Steeler fans must think they're going to run the table now... let's make them a FAVORITE!" No way should the Steelers be favored in this game, but Vegas has played the crowd and made them a 2.5 pt favorite. I want the Steelers to win so badly, but I'm going to use the brain instead and flock to the underdog. I'm going Ravens (+2.5)!

Next to Indianapolis, where the still undefeated Colts are playing the still in it Jets...

STILL the ONE, we're 14-0
STILL the ONE, we barely beat San Francisco
We're still having fun but we're STILL THE ONE.

C'mon, has there ever been a less convincing 14-0 team in NFL history? You gotta be kidding me with all these wins the Colts are pulling out of their pants... Even a magician couldn't pull off half these tricks. I'm not convinced by this team, and furthermore, with everything clinched, I imagine they may not have full intensity for this game. Jets are getting (+5.5). I'm taking the points and taking the Jets out in flyover country.

Finally, we go back in time a couple days to Christmas Day (the last two picks were for Sunday games). The Titans face the Chargers on Thursday Night Football! Yes, I said "Thursday Night Football". YES, they have one. No, I know most people don't get the NFL network... YES, I know Padres cable access baseball gets a bigger audience than NFL network.... I know, I know... ok ok.

Anyway, the Titans are rightfully favored by (-3). One might think that's a mistake, but after the 0-6 start, Tennessee has been doing a marvelous job battling back to about .500 . This team will have a ton to play for, and statistically speaking, the Chargers are due for a loss after 9 straight wins. Not to mention, Chris Johnson leads a Titans running attack that is near the top of the league (2nd overall in YPC). If the Titans are able to exert the runinng attack, it should allow for them to control the clock and minimize Philip Rivers' effectiveness. I'm going BIG, TITAN BIG and I'm going Tennessee (-3) on X-mas day.

I went 1-1-1 last week (yuck) and hope to turn it around this time on

Dave's (dink)
LOCKS (donk)
of the Week (beep beep)

Again, here are the picks: Bal (+2.5) at Pit; NYJ (+5.5) at Indy; TEN (-3) at home

Week 12: Dave's VENEGANCE of the Week!

You thought you had me! You thought you could pull that junk on me, all three of you picks! How dare you all!! NOT AGAIN!! I'm coming BACK BABY and with a venegance on

Dave's (BOOM!)
LOCKS (FOOM!!)
of the Week (ZOOM!!!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 12

0-3 last week! It was so embarrassing I couldn't even show my face on the internet. I can't believe how all three picks betrayed me. One of them spoiled late, such as the Titans pick (you SUCK Jacksonville). Another one didn't bother to show up (way to go Eagles! You can't even win OR lose the game!)

So what am I doing? I'm going back and picking ALL THREE TEAMS AGAIN!!

To BALTIMORE we go! Quoth the Ravens, "again? Stop picking against us!"

Ok.. I won't. I'm goin' with the Ravens (-1.0). I'm so mad I can't take it any more. Ravens WIN BY 96!!! against PHILLY. SCREW YOU EAGLES!!!

Let's soar from the battle of the birds out to the Tale of the Titans in Nashville, Tennesee. This week the Titans are playing.... The Titans? Yep, back in the old days, before the Jets (+5.5) were "the Jets" the New York AFC Team was known as the "New York Titans". The "new" Titans have much better uniforms than the old Titans did. Oof... did you see the link? MUCH better!

So I'm a gonna go Old School and pick the New York "old Titans" aka J-E-T-S JETS JETS BRETTS!! Jets win by 508 points. FORGET YOU ALL TENNESSEE TITANS!! I HOPE YOU LOSE EVERY GAME THE REST OF THE SEASON!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Now let's go from that Titanic rumble to our final pick of the week, back West where all the beautiful fishes play. Let's swing it back to San Diego, where we find the final team on the Hit list. The Indianapolis Blokes, I mean COLTS are a lock to cover against the Chargers (-3.0), right? No they're not!! Let's not get carried away everyone. The Chargers' defense is much better and you KNOW SD wants blood from last year's regular... wait they beat Indy in the playoffs. Ah what the hell it's DAVE WHO WANTS BLOOD! DIE COLTS DIE!!! ..at least this week. Chargers dominate and clobber the Colts: Bolts 1,354,768; Colts 10.

Grudge? What grudge? There you have it on

Dave's (bang!)
LOCKS (thump!)
of the Week (splash!)

Revenge never tasted so, so, sweet. Hope your weekend brings good fun and great harmony. Hope you enjoy the NFL this week!


Recap: Ravens (-1) cover at home; Jets (+5.5) cover at Titans; Chargers (-3.0) cover at home

0-fer Watch and Perfect Watch: The Dream is Alive!

Just when you thought the Panthers and Jaguars were about to crash the party, both the Lions and Titans stuck to their guns and kept their seasons perfect.

In CHARLOTTE, the Duante Culpepper threw a clutch interception in the 4th to put the Lions game out of reach. The final score: Panthers 31, Lions 22.

In JACKSONVILLE, the Titans, led by three Kerry Collins touchdown passes, came from behind to beat the Jaguars, 24-14. We were so sure the Jaguars would put a dent into Tennessee's record, but it was not to be.

So far... so good. 0-10, meet 10-0. One more week, both teams at home, the Titans playing the Jets and the Lions playing the Bucs. If both teams survive week 12, the two perfect teams will meet each other!

Come Thanksgiving Day, the 0-fer Lions and All-fer Titans will play each other in front of many millions of Americans. It could be a rare meeting of Jeckyll and Hyde IF they don't slip up next week.

Is anybody going to beat the Giants?

A lot of folks might think I'd be writing about the Titans, but I think the Giants are the team to beat in the NFL. The New York Giants are the most impressive team so far in '08. After 11 weeks, they lost only a single game to the Cleveland Browns.

Going into today's game against Baltimore, I was sure the Giants were ready for a big let down game. The Giants were coming off an emotional, rugged, hard earned, albeit defensively lacking, win at Philadelphia. I thought the Ravens defense against the run was stellar. Shows what I know: third stringer Ahmad Bradshaw alone rushed for 95 yards! Brandon Jacobs scored two touchdowns and ran for 73 yards. The Giants as a team rushed for 207 total yards. Goodness gracious great Earth, Wind, and Fire!

I don't think Joe Flacco is a bad quarterback for the Ravens, but boy did the Giants pass rush make him look silly. The signature moment in today's game was when Aaron Ross returned a Flacco interception 53 yards for a score to put the game away.

I still can't believe, in a year rampant with mediocrity, that the Giants have played so well, so hard, and so consistently. Not only that, but the Giants do all this against stiff competition. You try playing the Steelers, Cowboys, Eagles, and Ravens all in a row and come out 4-0. It's as if the Giants are on a mission to prove last year was not a fluke.

Well let me come out and say: mission accomplished!

---

Meanwhile, in the Music City, the Titans did a good job coming from behind, but I noticed in highlights that on two of Collins' touchdown passes, Justin Gage was WIDE OPEN. There wasn't a defender within 20 yards of him.

To be honest, both the Giants and Titans have played their fair share of cupcakes. A big test for the Titans will be the Jets next week, just as the Ravens were a big test for the G-Men. The Titans' big gauntlet is coming up. First the Jets at home, then in the last two weeks of the season they play Pittsburgh and Indy back to back.

Color me skeptical, but Tennessee's lack of wins against quality opponents sways me as a non-believer. The Giants, after playing some easy teams, imposed their will over the last month. I've been waiting for them to lay an egg versus a big-time team. I'm still waiting...

I think the debate will continue until both teams settle it on the field.

...in the Super Bowl!

Road to the Perfect Season aka 0-fer watch continues!

I was wondering if the Titans play the Dolphins this year, and if the Lions play the Bucs.

As they both march on to an all-fer and 0-fer season, respectively, we look back to the teams that did it perfectly (along with last year's Patriots).

The Dolphins went 17-0, including playoffs back in '72. Four years later, the Buccaneers went 0-14.

So I did some research and I see a meeting between Tampa Bay and Detroit at Ford Field next week. The Titans won't be playing either the Dolphins or Patriots, unless one of those teams make the playoffs.

Boy I can't wait! Off to the sports bar I go to see more perfection!

...and featuring the Jaguars as "The Icebreaker"

The Jaguars are in a rare spot. It turns out that not only did they play the two remaining winless teams, but they will also play the one remaining undefeated team, all in a row.

Back in Week 9, the Jaguars traveled to Cincinnati to play the Bungles who, at the time, did not have a win. The Bungles pulled the upset and defeated the Jaguars 21-19

This week, the Jaguars traveled to Detroit to play the also winless Detroit Lions. This time, the Jags took care of business and clobbered the Lions 38-14.

Next week is Week 11, and the Jaguars will be at home to play the 9-0 Tennessee Titans.

It's not the first time one team played both a winless team and an undefeated team in the same season. Just last year, the Ravens, Eagles, Giants, Redskins, and Cowboys faced both the winless Dolphins and the undefeated Patriots, not to mention fellow division mates Buffalo and the Jets.

It *is* however, very rare to play both teams back to back, as the Jaguars will this month. It is even rarer to play two winless teams back to back, and it is supremely rare to play two winless teams and one undefeated team in a row.

The Jaguars' recent schedule is akin to hitting blackjack in three straight hands. If they somehow defeat the Titans, they'll be one of a select few to lose to an 0-fer team and beat an undefeated team all in the same month. Obviously, I am not counting teams that were perfect in September, since most teams can start 0-4 or 4-0.

Can the Jaguars upset the Titans to leave their blemish on perfection? We'll be sure to find out a week from now!

Dave's Chain-LOCKS of the Week... booooo!

Happy Haunting everyone...

The spooks and ghosts are out on the town tonight
America sits in and watches in fright
As the Cowboys, Lions, Dolphins, and Patriots start to fight
Do join us as we witness the wickedly flight...

of

Dave's (AAAAAHH!!)
LOCKS (EEEEEK!!!)
of the Week (NOOOOOO!!!)


Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Hallo-week 9

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuh, heheheheh, hahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhh (clomp)

-- The Famous Words of Vincent Price

Good Evening... you are about to enter the Dungeon of Doom... AND NEVER COME BACK!!! Time for another chilling good time on LOCKS of the Week.

Let's begin... Going.... DOWWWWNNN????

woohoohahahahahaha

Pipe Organ: "TWEEEEEE!"

First, to Chicago... where the Bears host the Lions coming off a bye week. 'Tis a mismatch of THRILLING proportions. So much so that the Bears own the Lions in many different ways. But this week the ghosts of Wayne Fontes and Barry Sanders will exorcise the hapless Bears and cover the humongous (+13.0) point spread.

Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust, up and away, to NASHVILLE we must! The Ghastly Titans are at home to play the Green Bay Flessssssh Packers. The Titans are due for a let down game... but not today! We shall be witness to a Tennessee Chainsaw Massacre on the Packers as the Titans (-5.5) win by at least a touchdown. BRRRRR-RUM-RUM-RUM!!!

Now we go Six Feet Unnnnder to the depths of THE BLACK HOLE. Welcome to Oakland, CA. The Oakland Raiders are up against the upstart Feasting Falcons. The Falcons are favored by a field goal (-3.0), and are sure to get that margin. Give the points to the Falcons.... IF YOU DARE, MUAHAHAHAHHH.

That covers this monster mash on

Dave's (zap!)
LOCKS (fwa-POW!!)
of the Week (BOOM!)


Happy Halloween everybody!!!


Recap: Lions (+13.0) cover at Bears; Titans (-5.5) cover at home; Falcons (-3.0) cover at Raiders

...and THAT's why they call them LOCKS of the Week!

Boy am I pumped up!! PUMPED baby!!

The Tennessee Titans were deadlocked with the Indianapolis Colts, 14-14. And then, like Blitz Lightning (tm), the Titans stormed ahead with two touchdowns. A grand flurry which put the Titans above the pack as the best team in the AFC!

So it was... Dave's final LOCK of the Week covered in the last ten minutes of the game. Was I excited or what?! The Colts scored one last touchdown on a Peyton Manning QB sneak, but even that was not enough to dent the 4 point spread. Titans win! Titans cover! 31-21.

I covered again!!! So my LOCKS of the Week go 2-1 in Week 8, bringing our grand total TO...


10-13-1!!


It's the hottest ticket in town! Dave's LOCKS of the Week!!!

Week 5: The Great LOCKS Debate... of the week

Thursday, Capitol Hill

Speaker of the House: Hear! Hear! We are here to decide on Dave's LOCKS.

Congressman: Are we bailing out Dave's LOCKS of the Week?

Speaker: No!!! We're gonna whisper some good advice and get him back on his feet!

It's

Dave's (bang! bang!)
LOCKS (BONG!)
of the Week (clickclickclickclickclick...)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 5

Hey everybody! Hope your bank accounts are safe and sound, or present. Take whatever you can get... stocks are on shaky ground, just like Lane Kiffin was last week. WHERE'S MY RIMSHOT?!

Anyway, if the Stock Market was a betting website, it'd be this place. Whoof! 0-3 last week? My goodness!! Duck for cover now!! Let's turn that bear into a bull shall we?

To the picks!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a little karma here, so let's go in reverse order:

LAST we go to the Valley of the Sun, Glendale, Arizona!! In the Valley of the Sun is a beautiful new stadium so eloquently named for a commuter college. Fantastic! It's the Arizona Cardinals hosting the Hot Buffalo Sauce Bills! Tasty!!

How good are the Bills? Actually, I don't know, but against the spread they're 3-1... not too bad for a team on the rise. Meanwhile the Cardinals are absolutely dreadful on the road and on a 2 game losing streak. Something's gotta give. I could go into stats, but instead I'll pose a question: If a Bill is caught dead in the desert and there were no vultures around, guess who gets to eat up? THE CARDINALS!!! I'm picking the Cardinals to cover their meager spread (-1.0) and fatten up on dead Buffalo in their beautiful home field.

NEXT we go back to Texas Stadium! Boy has that place been good to me. First, their local team, the Cowboys, and how about them Cowboys, all but guaranteed a Redskins cover (which I stupidly didn't list on LOTW). It also hosted the recent Cowboys/Eagles game. Remember that shootout? It's a shame this place is closing down. They're shutting down like Carson Palmer against the blitz! SMACK!

But you know what? Give the Bungles some credit. Two weeks ago they nearly shocked the Giants in the Meadowlands. The Bungles are playing good football! Am I calling for a BUNGLES UPSET OF THE WORLD? Of course not... but look at the line! (-17.0) for the Cowboys? That's just ridiculous. The oddsmakers are basically saying "Here! Take our money! We don't want it!" Are these guys stock brokers?

We all love Tony Romo, but the only Tony you should count on is TONY THE TIGER and he's on the Bengals... Bengals to cover (-17.0). Take the points. They're GRRRRRRRRRRREAT!

and FIRST we travel to Baltimore, the Home of Michael Phelps, and to a lesser degree, Katie Hoff, and to a lesser degree than that, the Orioles.

The Ravens are poised to dominate again on defense against another great defensive team. There's only one problem. IT'S THE TITANS!! Do they feel the upset? Quoth the Ravens, "never mo'". I'll tell you why. The Titans are undefeated against the spread and are phenomenal against the spread going back to '06. If they're favored, they cover. If they're dogs, they'll cover. and against the dregs of the NFL they played this month... oh they covered baby!

Besides, Tennessee has THE best turnover radio in the NFL, +6! The Ravens? A measley +1. So what time is it Ravens? Game time? Nope, it's time for you to LOSE! Ray Lewis, you're a nutjob. Are the Titans gonna cover (woof woof woof woof!)? They're favored by (-3.0) on the road (woof woof woof woof!)! Ravens don't have a chance. Give the pts and let's start TITANS FEVER!!

BANG BANG!!

Speaker: All in favor of Dave's Picks Say "Aye"

Congress: AYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaker: Meeting adjourned!

BANG!! for

Dave's (grumble)
LOCKS (mumble)
of the Week (bump!)


Recap: Titans (-3.0) cover at Baltimore; Bengals (-17!!) cover at Dallas, Cardinals (-1.0) cover at home