Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Week 6: Attack of the Giant LOCKS of the Week!

Somewhere in Tokyo, a giant point spread attacks the city. Hapless denizens are powerless to stop them! Even firefighters can't put it out. Japan is doomed, unless... unless it can call on the powers of

Dave's (STOMP!)
LOCKS (grooowwwwl!)
of the Week (bonk!)

Dave's LOCKS of the Week
Week 6

Fooled ya! You thought I'd roll out some baseball themed "LOCKS" this week? Nope! Instead we gotta attack these giant point spreads! Here we have the "league of no gimmies," and yet we have not one but TWO giant point spreads this week. I love me a spread like Kirstie Alley at the buffet (hah! Speaking of giant Japanese attacking monsters, right?).

To the picks!!

First giant spread of the day is in our nation's capitol, Washington, D.C. Take a jet ride to the big football park over in Landover, MD. It's the LARGEST NFL stadium in the country, holding over 90,000 loyal fans. For the last 10 or so years we saw 90,000 rip-offs from the Redskins. This year it's different. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS INDEED! Time to go Hoggin'! After storming to a 4-1 record, America's "other" team is poised to devour some St Louis Rams!

St. Louis Rams go so well with a touch of 11 spices and BBQ sauce, but instead let's devour the point spread. +13.5?! Are they nuts? Did they not watch the Cincy/Dallas game last week? Never underestimate the opponent, especially a team looking for its first win. HAIL TO THE RRRRRAMS... that's right, the RAMS (+13.5) cover that huge spread and keep the game close.

Next, we move to the other meanacing point spread, looming over the land of 10,000 lakes. We're sailing on to Minneapolis! The Minnesota Vikings of Minneapolis (-13.0) are home to host the hapless Detroit Lions (of Detroit). Oof, talk about your mismatches... the Vikings new purple people eaters vs the sack magnet that is the Lions. This could get ugly before the first Joe Buck Promo on Fox. ouch! Look for the Vikes to Slam-a-lama (BONNNNG!) DING DONG the Lions and cover the (-13.0). This ain't just giving points... this is flat out charity!

Remember that Daft Punk song, "One More Time?" I'm a-gonna try one more time to pick a Denver Broncos game right. DAMN THOSE BRONCOS!! Damn Them!! I hate it!! When I pick them to cover, they blow it... when I pick the other team to cover, they blow it! ARRRGH. Enough with that... back to Invesco Field! Last pick of the day.

We just slayed the two big point spreads of the day. Now it's time to tear down premonitions. How could I not be inspired by the Jags' defense against Pittsburgh last week? They lost, but they played well. The Broncos have no defense, and yet, they're favored by (-3.5). Bag that sucka, and take the Jags to take a bite out of equine! Jags to cover the spread (+3.5) at Mile High/Invesco. Jags have NO RESPECT, I tell ya, NO RESPECT!!

and THAT's how it is on

Dave's (dink!)
LOCKS (donk!)
of the Week (doink!)

and this week, before Andrew's preview, I want to add a hearty GO TEXAS!! I'll say it now, and never root for the Longhorns again. Beat OU! Beat OU! Beat OU!! Enjoy the picks everyone.

Recap: Rams (+13.5) cover at Redskins; Vikings (-13.0) cover at home; Jaguars (+3.5) cover at Broncos

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