Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Week 10: Snow White and the Seven LOCKS of the Week
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Dave's LOCKS of the Week!
(whistling) Hi HO! Hi HO, hi ho...
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!!
Who has the greatest picks of them all?
Why Dave does! On
of the Week (BOP!)
Dave's LOCKS of the Enchanted Week
Now, once upon a time, in land far, far away, there was a guy who made great NFL LOCKS of the Week. Oh, but the Wicked Witch of Parity set out to destroy him. Little did she know that Dave waved his magic wand and poof! Football spreads were covered right on the dot... it was like magic!
It's been a great ride so far, but in Week 10, LOCKS faces its toughest challenge yet! Many games that have all the makings of a big upset. What can you do to avoid eating that deadly UPSET APPLE? How about seven LOCKS of the Week? Let's do it.
To the picks!
Lock number one: The Economy will improve greatly under President Obama's watch. Why? Because it can't get any worse! WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA!
Lock number two: The Mets will absolutely, positively not sign Manny Ramirez this offseason. If they do that I might as well run down my street naked.
Lock number three: The Lions will, let me repeat that, WILL, win a game before Thanksgiving.
Lock number four: Texas Tech will not under any circumstances finish this month undefeated.
Now to our three game picks.
First, to Minnesota! Land of 1,000 Water Wells. You can already hear the Vikings singing:
I'm wishing (I'm wishing)
For a quarterback
To find us (to find us)
Yes, sir! The Vikings are really struggling this year without a decent quarterback. They tried Tavaris Jackson. HE flopped. They tried Gus Frerotte. HE flopped. Imagine if they try John David Booty? He'll get kicked in the booty, thats what! So here come the mean Green Bay Packers. The Vikings have a great run defense? No problem! The Titans had the same thing and Green Bay gave them all they can handle.
Call me crazy, but I'm going with the PACK (vroom vroom!). Take the (+2.5) points and let Green Bay cover with a lake full of cheese. GO PACK GO!
Now let's slide down the icy path from Minnesota on down to the shore of Lake Michigan. Hey hey! Welcome to CHICAGO, baby! Remember that huge scene at Grant Park last night? That's the parking lot before Bears games. And doncha know, the Bears have a big-time showdown with the Un-defeated Tennessee Titans!
Last week on LOCKS I boldy gave the points to the Titans, then -5.5, but the Titans won by only a field goal.
This time the Titans get a taste of their own medicine: another team that defends the run and feasts off turnovers. This game is going down the the wire and YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: The Bears are going to whistle while they work the (+3.0) spread!! Thats my pick and I'm stickin' to it, even if Orton doesn't play.
Finally let's truck it down the highway from the Midwest to the Southwest, and on to the Coast. On to San Diego! The Chargers are set to play the Chiefs in front of tens of people!
It feels like the Chargers haven't played in a month, but in fact, they were just on a bye. At last, they're at home, where they haven't played in a month! Their last home game was a 30-10 beat down of the Pats on October 12th. The Bolts are favored by FIFTEEN! And you know what else? They're getting those 15! The Bolts will electrify California with their domination of the Chiefs, covering the (-15). Call me crazy, again, but they're going to shock the Chiefs! SHOW ME YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT!!!
and they lived Happily Ever After...
of the WEEK (bing!)
Is it fairy tale time again for football LOCKS? Wait and see!
Recap: Packers (+2.5) cover at Vikings; Bears (+3.0) cover at home; Chargers (-15.0) cover at home